Collide
by Gater101
Summary: SamLuka. Sequel to Uninvited. For you, I gave up everything and got nothing in return.
1. Previously

_Previously..._

"Doctor Luka Kovac," he held his hand out towards her and saw her eyes move down his arm towards it.

"Nurse Sam Taggert, started this morning," she replied and he tried to ignore the tingling sensation that made its way up his arm at the touch of her hand.

Oh, this was _not_ good.

"Hey, you going to the christmas party?" Abby asked as she retrieved her bag out of her locker.

Sam thought for a few seconds before nodding.

"Yeah, but I got nothing to wear."

Abby nodded and smiled, raising her eyebrow slightly.

"Well, neither do I. What time do you get off?"

Sam looked at the clock.

"Uh... another hour."

"Okay. What would you say to some shopping later today? We could pick up some new clothes, buy a few christmas gifts, get some lunch, what do you say?"

"Uh..." Sam stuttered as she tried to look at him without allowing her eyes to dip below his neck line. She wouldn't meet his eyes. Luka could see her eyes dip occasionally to his bare torso and then straight back up to his face. "Abby..." She coughed slightly to clear her throat and Luka smiled at her uncomfortable state. "Abby and I are going to catch a movie tonight." Luka nodded. "And uh..." Her eyes drifted south again and Luka tried to contain his grin. "She gave me this address..." he saw her frown of confusion shift into an 'oh' face and he frowned himself. "I didn't know that you and Abby..." Her eyes darted to the wall beside the door and she reached out to fiddle with doorjamb.

"Luka... oh my god..."

She fingered the fine white gold chain and her fingers trailed down to the pendant. It was several swirling lines that were not an 'S' but were very close to it. In between the swirls were what looks like vines of some sort. Sam was taken aback.

Abby thought about it for a few minutes. Luka had never cheated on her. Sam had Steve. Luka had never lied to her, and the fact that he admitted that Sam had been there told her that he was telling the truth. But she couldn't help but feel as though there was something he wasn't telling her.

"You're attracted to her aren't you?" She said finally, quietly making it sound more like a statement than a question.

"My son," she says and her words are lost in her sobs as Luka's throat closes up.

_She has a son?_

He doesn't say anything, instead, let's his mind wander back to his own son, Marko and he can feel the familiar clench in his heart.

"He was so little..."

Luka pulled his legs up onto the couch and shifted her body so she was sitting across his lap and he rocked her, as he ran his hands through her hair.

"I was fifteen. Sixteen when he... died."

"Sam?" He breathed out and saw her turn her head a little further into her own crooked elbow. "I'm going to kiss you, Sam," he whispered.

He waited a few seconds for her reaction but when he received none, he shuffled his head forward and his lips brushed hers lightly.

"I'm in love with you, Sam. And I... I want to spend the rest of my life with you, I want to wake up every morning and see your face lying beside me on the pillow. I can't keep pretending that I'm not in love with you, Sam. It's killing me." He watched as she raised her head and he felt his heartbreak, for the second time in his life, and he looked away from her. "We're at a dead end Sam. We've gone as far as we can in this thing we call a relationship. We can't go back because that would kill both of us - well I know that it would kill me anyway. The only way we can go anywhere is if we move forward," he looked at her tear filled eyes and shook his head. "But I can see that you're not ready to do that, for some reason. And I have to stop this... because this will kill me, it's already killing us."

"I'm moving back to Elgin," she said as she watched his eyebrows crease together and he pursed his lips.

"I don't want to move back..." Steve began but trailed off as realisation hit him. He pursed his lips together and closed his eyes. "You don't want me to go back with you." It was more of a statement than a question.

"Hey," Jerry called from the other end of admit as he held the phone to his chest. "Weaver called," he said as he placed the receiver down on the cradle and the medical personnel turned to him and raised their eyebrows. "Said to tell you that Sam was here and she just handed in her resignation."

"Hey, we got a domestic turn MVA coming in!" Jerry called down the corridor towards Abby as she headed out of admit.

"What we got in here?" John Carter asked as he stepped into the trauma room and snapped on a pair of gloves.

"Sam!"

"There was vaginal trauma," he continued and looked away from the look of pain on Luka's face. "There was a lot of bleeding as well - too much to be from the vaginal tears... she had a miscarriage."

"You were having an affair!" John almost shouted as he stood up from his seat. He watched as Luka nodded. "How long?" He asked bluntly, his voice devoid of emotion.

Luka had cheated on Abby. Luka had _cheated_ on Abby.

"About four or five... months."

Abby walked in slowly and then closed the door behind her. She saw Luka turn his eyes to her slowly and then watched as he winced painfully at the sight of her.

"You're in love with her, aren't you?"

He didn't deny it, he simply looked away and nodded.

"I knew - I always knew. I just didn't want to see it. Don't be sorry for being happy." Luka turned to her with a pained expression on his features and he dragged his hand down his face. She took a deep breath and continued. "It's funny... cause I'm not mad. I'm just... upset that you didn't tell me sooner."

"I feel like I'm falling apart..."

Falling into Susan's chest, Abby wept.

Inside his apartment, in the bedroom behind him, he could hear his phone ringing but he ignored it. Just like he'd ignored it for the past two weeks. He'd be surprised if he still had a job. But he didn't care.

He had did this to Sam.

If he hadn't insisted that they carry out there sordid affair, she would never have been in her current situation. He had promised her he would never hurt her and yet he had, more than he had ever thought possible.

"She needs you Luka…"

"I said no."

He pushed past her and Elizabeth stumbled slightly and was too surprised to be able to do anything other than stare at his back as he stalked down the halls of the ICU, walking straight past Sam's room without even glancing in at her.

"And you say you _love_ her," she shouted down the corridor, eventually finding her tongue and she smiled smugly when she saw him stop abruptly.

"So... how are you actually doing?"

Luka sighed and scrubbed his face with his hand and then looked at John tiredly.

How was he doing? Even he didn't know.

"Oh, I don't know. Sometimes I think it would be easier if she had just left and went upstate with Jocelyn. I... she won't let me touch her," he complained tiredly and John nodded.

"I feel so... I don't know. Unworthy. It's like... I..." Sam looked at the two women beside her who were sitting with their legs crossed, watching her as she struggled with her words. "I made him lose another family," she said eventually.

"Sam... don't do this to yourself. It wasn't your fault." He laughed quietly after that and Sam frowned at him. "Here was me thinking that you wouldn't let me touch you because you blamed me, but it was really because you blamed yourself."

Sam nodded and swiped at her suddenly runny nose.

"When I saw you... I was so sure that I was going to lose you... I..." Tears jumped to his eyes. God, he had never cried so much in his entire life - not even when his goldfish died. "I couldn't go through that again, Sam..."

He didn't bother wiping away the tear that trickled past his eyelid and slid down the side of his face and was making it's way to his ear when he felt Sam's fingers catch it. Her touch surprised him.

"I'm here... I'm here, Luka," she murmured, her voice thick with fatigue and unshed tears. "I'm here," she repeated as she fanned her fingers out across his lips and chin.

Luka had his head on Sam's chest, his arm strewn across her stomach, his leg entangled with Sam's good one. Sam had one hand in Luka's hair (the one that belonged to the arm that he was half lying on) and the other was laying at her side and, on closer inspection, she saw that their fingers were entangled together at Sam's hip.

Jocelyn smiled and moved towards the bottom of the bed where the sheets were a crumpled mess. Straightening them out, she pulled them back across the two slumbering lovers' and made her way back to the door.

Once she was back outside, she closed the door as quietly as possible and then smiled.

Maybe things were going to be okay.


	2. Prologue

He watched her silhouette move against the illuminated curtain window and hugged his arms tighter around his body as a chill winter wind frisked his skin. It had been three months since he had coasted back into Chicago. But he had planning this night for much longer than this.

The Croatian jerk-off was nowhere to be seen: hadn't been for six weeks. He had wondered if she had tossed him out with the garbage like she had with him: after all, hadn't he seen her with some other foreign bulk in a restaurant? And the night before that, with Carter?

Seeing the light in the bedroom go out, he smiled satanically as thought of the plan that was already playing out in his mind. Just up the fire escape, listen to her for a few minutes, enter the apartment and…

He felt a stirring in his groin as he thought about it. Thought of how he was going to remind her of who he was, of the power he had over her.

Reaching up to his cheek, he felt the thick layer of stubble covering his dirty, gaunt face. Anyone walking past would have mistaken him for a tramp but there was no one on the deserted street, no one in the apartments around hers: no one to hear her screams.

Fate seemed to be on his side with the barrenness of her life. The good doctor was out of town so he didn't have to worry about him dropping by for a quick fix: Carter was on the night shift – he'd staked out at the hospital just to make sure – and there was no sign of the Scottish kid who had been hanging around her like a bad plague.

The dim orange glow that glowed from the overhead street lamp only cast a faint shimmer on to the rain soaked cobbles, the remaining darkness masking his jerky motions across the road.

Silently, he efficiently ascended the now familiar worn metal of the fire escape. His heavy boots didn't clang on the light aluminium so his ascent was silent, stealthy. Deadly.

Perching outside the window, he peered through the gap the curtains left from where they didn't quite meet the wall and waited, watching her with baited breath. His eyes scanned her form under the thick comforter, his ears pricked for any sound that there was anyone else in the room.

Hearing none, he reached his hand out to the slit at the bottom of the window that he had left on his exit from the apartment earlier that morning after she left for work and slid it up, pausing sharply as it creaked against it's old wooden frame.

When he didn't stir, he pushed it up further and slid a leg through the gap, his body following. Once fully inside, he stood with his back to the window, his black shadow long on the moonlit floor.

He watched her, silently, enjoying the pleasure that was coursing through his veins.

And then he moved.


	3. Part 1

"I don't like this one."

Sam sighed. He had said basically the same thing to every apartment she had looked at: his complaints ranging from 'It's the wrong neighbourhood' to 'It's too far from my apartment' to 'I just don't like it'.

"I don't see why you can't just stay with me," he complained again, his whining voice echoing off the emptiness of the room and Sam felt like reaching out and smacking him across the head with her bag.

"Luka, we've talked about this…"

The truth was she, was petrified. She had been living with Luka for four months and already they had fallen into a routine. He would go to work, he would come back, they would have dinner, they would have sex. The same thing every day, except when she had to go to physical therapy for her leg and even then he would take time out of his day to drive her there. She had absolutely no independence. She just didn't want their relationship to become something ordinary because she knew that they were better than that, something profound.

Part of her also believed that she wanted to move out because it _was_ less secure. When their relationship began, it was forbidden and now that they could actually show that they were in love Sam was scared that they might find that it became boring really quickly. Seeing him every day hadn't reduced the amount that she loved him, or how astonishingly beautiful she found him but she wondered just how long it would take for that spark whenever their skin touched to dissipate, for him to stop looking at her with that look in his eyes.

If she got her own apartment, she wouldn't see him _all the time_ and so when they did finally see one another it would always be… something more.

"No, we didn't. You talked and I listened. You made up your mind and I had absolutely no say in the matter at all," his accented voice broke through her reverie and she saw the estate agent glance at the two of them with curious eyes.

Glaring at him, Sam simply raised her eyebrow and cocked her jaw.

"I like this one. There's enough space for me. It isn't too far from your apartment and the view isn't all that bad either," she commented, looking out of the window to the park across the street where she could see children playing on swings, paddling in a make-shift pool and climbing monkey frames.

He sighed and shrugged his shoulders before walking out of the apartment that she was viewing.

Sam turned to the young real estate agent who had been attempting to coyly glance at Luka every few minutes, while Sam hadn't been watching. Luka who had been completely 'unaware' of the young woman's obvious initial attraction to him had been at his utmost charming and flashing his most flirtatious smiles until Sam rolled her eyes and smacked him on the arm. Catching said woman's eye, Sam smiled apologetically and shrugged her shoulders slightly.

"And the rent - it's...?" She asked as she glanced quickly out of the doorway but Luka was nowhere to be seen.

"It's six hundred a month," Miss Young said and Sam pursed her lips.

Glancing around her again, she nodded.

"Well, I'm very interested. I just have to go and talk to him," she jabbed her thumb in the direction of the doorway, "and then I'll get back to you."

Young nodded and began walking towards the door with Sam following close behind.

The ride back to his apartment was made in silence. Luka stared hard out of the windshield, Sam watching the world pass by at the side window, glancing to him every few minutes and shaking her head.

"I just don't see why you have to move out," he said once they were back in his apartment and he moved to the kitchen to brew some fresh coffee.

Sam flopped onto the sofa and dragged a hand through her curly tresses, dropping her head onto the back of the couch.

"It's not because I don't want to live with you, I just… I don't want us to become… _routine_," she said when he walked back down to her level and took one of the proffered cups from him.

She sighed as she felt the warm, cinnamon flavoured coffee glide down her throat. His amazing morning brew was one of the many things she would miss when she did eventually move out.

She felt him sit on the sofa beside her and saw him draw his leg up onto the cushion and turn his body towards her, throwing his arm across the back so his fingers could play with her hair. She bet he didn't even realise that he had done it. She copied his position but crossed her legs in front of her, lifting her hand to his.

"Sam… I don't want you to move out. I want you to stay here." He paused, glancing away from her. "With me."

Sam cocked her head at that and frowned.

"I'll still be _with you_, Luka. I just won't be living with you," she smiled and traced her thumb over his palm and saw his tongue dart out between is teeth.

His eyes were drawn to their hands and he frowned slightly, shaking his head evanescently, pulling his tongue back into her mouth.

"I just… I can't help but feel that this is a – a step back."

Sam smiled and pressed her head against the back of the sofa so she could meet his eyes and she saw him smile slightly, his eyes drifting up and down her face.

"In a way it is – but not the bad kind. Just – imagine you were on night shift for a week and didn't see me until the weekend: imagine what the sex would be like on that night," she said light-heartedly and smiled when she saw a grin spread across his face.

He shook his head slightly, dropping his eyes from hers then raising them to meet her again.

"It's not the same though," he whispered and Sam felt her breath stop half way up her throat. "– as having you when I want you," he finished seductively and leaned towards her.

"Like now?" She asked, her voice weaker than she had anticipated and she saw him try to contain a grin as he nodded.

"Like now," he muttered as he took the cup from her hand and placed it on the ground, pushing her body back against the armrest.

**TBC **


	4. Part 2

"Hey, Luka," Abby sighed as he entered the bay doors to the ER for the beginning of his shift.

It had been a long night for traumas, with one coming in every twenty minutes for four hours solid – they were beginning to treat traumas in the hallways and assign the first year interns to lead traumas due to the insane ratio of four doctors to twenty five trauma patients. Her head was buzzing and all she wanted to do was go home, have a shower and go to bed.

He didn't say anything, simply nodded as he headed towards the Lounge to deposit his jacket in his locker.

She knew that he wasn't taking Sam's decision to move out all that well – hell, she didn't understand why Sam was moving out but she was helping Sam move her stuff over to her new apartment later in the week. The apartment that Sam was moving into was one that she and Susan had been to view but had decided it was just too small for them – with there being only one bedroom instead of the two that they had specified.

"Okay, so what do we got?" Luka asked as he came back up to the board at admit and pulled his hand over his face.

Abby turned to him with three charts clutched to her chest and began surveying the board.

"Old lady in two with an in-grown toenail that is causing some serious infection to spread to her feet – we're just waiting on meds because the whole hospital is backed up due to the insanity of last night." She handed him the chart. "We're waiting on x-rays on a ten year old with a broken leg in four. X-rays also are backed up by at least four hours." She handed him the other chart and saw him roll his eyes. "And we have two pan-handler sisters in three who are waiting on social services to get down here," she sighed as she passed him the third and final chart.

"Don't tell me – social services are backed up too?"

Abby smiled and nodded.

"Only one on duty for here and Mercy." Luka sighed and rolled his head on his neck. "Rough night?" She asked, with a smile on her lips but Luka simply nodded and brushed past her. "You know, her moving out doesn't mean she loves you any less," she murmured quietly to him and she saw him spin around with a questioning look in his eyes. "Girls talk," she laughed slightly.

He sighed again and pushed his fingers into his eyes.

"Yeah well, I just wish she'd talk to me," he smiled tightly and Abby pursed her lips.

"I'll speak to you later, Luka," she told him and placed her hand on his arm.

No matter what she did, it was still too awkward to talk to him sometimes.

"Kovac!" Luka rolled his eyes in their sockets at the sound of Kerry's voice and turned when he heard the clacking of her crutch get louder as she drew closer. "Tell Sam that her first shift back is next Monday!"

Luka frowned at Kerry's retreating back. He didn't know that Sam had spoken to Kerry about coming back to work. Shaking his head, he grabbed a chart from the rack and moved towards the curtains.

_Collide_

Sam felt the treadmill beneath her feet slow down and she looked at the screen: it hadn't been twenty minutes already surely? Sure enough, she had been jogging for twenty minutes and it surprised her that she hardly even noticed. When she had first started out at the gym she hadn't even been able to run for ten minutes let alone have twenty minutes pass in the blink of an eye. Albeit, she did have a lot on her mind now – moving into a new apartment was never an easy task and it was made only harder by Luka's reluctance to help her. He had downright refused to help her move her stuff over and she had only refrained from bashing him on the head when she looked at his face and saw his genuine fear there.

He thought she didn't want to be with him anymore.

She stepped off the treadmill when it did eventually stop and moved to the pole behind her and began her stretches. She felt her knee twinge slightly and she winced and reached down to rub it. It annoyed her, the fact that it was her knee that was sore and not where she had broken her leg.

"You might want to have someone look at that," she heard a familiar voice say over the sound of her Ipod music playing loudly in her ears.

She pulled the earphones out and smiled apologetically to the man standing beside her.

"Sorry, what?" She asked as she stood up straight.

"I said you might want to have someone look at that," he repeated and smiled as he reached his arm out and Sam stepped into his brief hug. "How are you?" He asked her as she stepped back and they both began their stretches.

"I'm… all right, thanks. A little tired but, you know. How are you? Still busy with work?"

He laughed and Sam ignored the chill running down her spine at the sound. Paul Beckett wasn't what she would call a handsome man but _boy_ was his body in great shape. His sandy brown hair was short and slightly curly, his face paradoxically chubby compared with the rest of his body. He looked young, around twenty-four – not that much younger than herself, she noted – and tired. There was something distinctly… _foreign_ looking about him – though not the same iceberg melting handsomeness that Luka exuded simply by being but something… _foreign_.

He nodded and skipped onto his other foot, lunging forward to stretch his calf muscles.

"Yeah, I'm keeping busy," he looked up and smiled while Sam stretched her arms over her head.

They lapsed into an uncomfortable silence while they stretched and Sam found herself watching his rippling muscles under his Scotland soccer strip. She knew he was attracted to her: they'd been out to dinner (well, a casual sandwich in the café across the street from the gym) a few times and she still hadn't found the time to inform him that she was seeing someone. She knew that she would never cheat on Luka, but there was something about having the option to that made Sam shiver, and enjoy the attention she received from Paul. It was ridiculous really: she didn't know anything about him; just that he spent three hours training in the gym five times a week, was busy with 'work' and was Scottish.

She shook her head slightly and looked to her foot.

"I better get started," he told her after a few minutes of silence and Sam nodded. "What are you doing after your work out?"

Sam looked up and smiled despite herself.

"I'm just going home, I'm nearly done."

He nodded and moved past her, placing his arm on her shoulder as he did so.

_Collide_

"You know what makes this day even better?" Luka asked sarcastically to Carter and Abby as they made their way up to admit to begin their shifts.

Carter laughed and took a few charts from Luka's overly large bundle.

"What's that?" he asked joyously and laughed at the glare Luka sent him.

"The new med students start next week," he replied over enthusiastically and grinned when he saw the grin drop from Carter's face.

"Oh great, more misdiagnosis, problem questions and-"

"Hoy, that's enough! It wasn't that long ago that _I _was a med student!" Abby laughed as she tossed her cup of coffee into the bin.

Luka walked away and grinned when he heard Carter attempting to talk his way out of a scold from Abby.

"See, you weren't like that though, you were a nurse before so you didn't really…"

_Collide_

Luka pushed the door to the lounge open and sighed. He was glad to be going home to Sam tonight. His day had been long, tiring and all he wanted to do was go to bed with her tiny body wrapped around him.

By the time Luka reached home, it was eleven thirty and all the lights in his apartment were out. He looked up at the bedroom window as he walked towards the building. He could imagine Sam lying with her head in the middle of the pillows, her body starfish on the mattress as she stared out of the window at the soft, twinkling May stars. Either that or curled in a ball under the thin sheets sound asleep.

It didn't matter to him; all that mattered was that she was there.

He couldn't imagine coming home and finding an empty apartment, finding that Sam wasn't actually there. He opened his front door, stepped slowly down the few steps, and shrugged his shoulders trying to relieve his aching muscles. It had been a long shift, consisting of multiple traumas but mostly him hunched over a desk filling in numerous reports and charts and signing off on countless patients. His feet ached, his calves throbbed and his arms felt like dead weights hanging at his side.

He took in his surroundings as he walked up the stairs to their bedroom. Sam's dishes were sitting on the wooden draining board, her gym bag tossed lazily onto the kitchen floor, her jacket strewn across the back of a dining chair. He smiled as he glanced at the ordered chaos: his apartment looked _lived in._

He kicked his shoes off at the door to their bedroom and closed it silently behind him, watching her slumbering form for a minute until his fatigued muscles began to pulsate in complaint at being held captive too long. He practically crawled to the bed and slid tiredly beneath the sheets, reaching his arm out to Sam's curled body and pulling her close.

"Take your clothes of Kovac," she told him without opening her eyes and he attempted to smile.

"Too tired," he mumbled into the pillow and slid his eyes closed. "You do it."

"I thought you were too tired?" She admonished tiredly and Luka turned his head further into the pillow, pulling her body closer to him. His lack of response was all the confirmation Sam needed that he was indeed too tired and she turned her body to face him. "Long shift?" She asked as she sat up, undoing his belt and unzipping his pants, to then slide them down his long legs.

He nodded in response and reached up to her hand when she began to work on his tie.

"Leave it," he commanded but she shook her head.

"You'll choke to death, Luka," she informed him and gently untied his tie and pulled it from him neck and unbuttoned the top three buttons on his shirt.

He opened his eyes again when she was laying back down beside him, her eyes boring into his. He smiled tiredly, lifted his hand up to her face, and rubbed his thumb over her cheek.

"Kiss me, Sam," he told her, too tired to lift his head closer to her.

"I'm too tired, Luka," she joked and he lethargically raised an eyebrow at her. "Well, if you insist, old man," she laughed and leaned into him.

"You'll pay for that, Taggert," he mumbled against her lips but was silenced when she pressed more firmly against him.

He felt her legs wrap around him as her strong arms slid around his shoulders and held him to her. He was surprised at how much more toned she had become after spending only a month at the local gym. He sometimes suspected that she lied to him about the amount of time she spent there but he didn't question her – didn't know how to question her about something so trivial.

He sighed against the top of her head and closed his eyes. He fell asleep to the sound of Sam's gentle breathing and her gentle fingers massaging his aching head.

_Collide_

Sam stretched laggardly on the dining chair and groaned out a yawn as Luka lifted her plate away from her. She had woken up early to make him his breakfast in bed but he had awoken when she dropped the frying pan onto the floor and hadn't been able to get back to sleep.

"You hardly touched your food," he commented and Sam looked up at him with a smile on her face.

"I guess I wasn't that hungry," she told him as she reached out for her glass of orange juice and took a healthy gulp.

She couldn't see him but she knew he nodded his head and pulled his bottom lip between his teeth. She heard him clatter away in the sink and she got up from her chair and moved to the sofa and switched on the television, flipping the channel to start her daily routine of daytime TV.

_"Chevron one encoded, chevron two encoded."_

She saw Luka wander back into the room with a second cup of coffee gripped in his hands and he winced when he saw the television screen.

"What are you watching?" he asked as he sat next to her, absently lifting her feet into his lap and rubbing her ankles with his free hand.

He did that a lot, Sam realised and it became a member of the list of things that she used to find endearing but now found simply routine.

"Stargate SG-1," she told him and saw him frown.

"I didn't know you liked sci-fi…" he began and smiled at her through his frown.

Sam turned to him and raised her eyebrow, stilling his hand as it wandered up to her knee.

"I don't," she said as she clutched his hand in hers to stop it from touching her.

She didn't know why but she found that the more he touched her, the more she wanted him to stop. She tried not to notice the look of loss that passed over his face as he turned back to the screen.

"So…" he gestured towards the television with his hand that he had pulled free from her grip and sipped from his drink.

"This is the episode where Sam and Jack finally admit that they have feelings for each other!" She told him excitedly and he marvelled at her change in mood.

He had tried to speak to her when the programme started but she had animatedly told him to be quiet or he would not be having sex for a fortnight. He sighed into his cup and saw the ripples spread out and touch the edges. He didn't know why but Sam kept pulling away from him when he touched her and it only added to his belief that she didn't want to be with him anymore but was too afraid to say to him. His frown deepened and he clutched onto his cup tighter.

He had given up _everything_ for her.

"Don't you think that Susan and Abby are getting a bit you know… close?" She asked and he looked up, amazed that she had spoken during what was one of ithe best episodes uever/u/i – until he saw that the commercials were on.

"What do you mean?" he asked turning to her with a frown on his face.

She dropped her head in indignance and raised an eyebrow at him, a grin appearing on her face.

"Oh come on… they spend all their time together, they're buying an apartment…"

Luka frowned at her and cocked his head.

"They're friends…"

Sam pursed her lips and shook her head.

"Come on, Luka… you can't deny that they're… close."

He looked away from her and stuck his tongue between his teeth.

"It's… not what you think," he stated quietly and Sam sat up further, drawing her legs under her and crawled across the sofa towards him.

"You know something, don't you?" She accused and narrowed her eyes at him as she slid into his lap.

He liked how she wasn't complaining now that _she_ was touching _him_.

"I don't know what you're talking about…" he said and looked past her head, biting his bottom lip.

She slowly opened her mouth and her eyes widened and she slapped his chest hard.

"You do!" She shouted as she pointed at his face with her finger.

"I don't!" He laughed and slid his arms around her waist and attempted to pull her onto him for a kiss.

"Oh you're not getting out of this one Kovac, now either you tell me or you don't get sex for a month!"

Luka paused dramatically and looked around the room.

"Carter and Abby kissed," he said quickly as though it was all one word and he jerked when Sam jumped away from him and jumped up and down in the middle of the lounge.

"I knew it! I knew it!" She danced around in a circle alternately punching the air.

Luka simply watched her: her face was a mixture of admonishment, happiness, glee and smugness. He laughed when she jumped onto the couch and shook her hips from side to side, pumping her arms in the air.

"I thought you thought that her and Susan…?" He laughed and caught a hold of her tiny waist and pulled her body across his, his hand gliding under her top, over her now defined stomach muscles.

She grinned up at him and shook her head, her eyes alight with… something.

"That was two minutes ago."

Luka shook his head and leaned down and kissed her, his hand sliding further up her strappy top and he heard her moan into his mouth.

"Leave it," she commanded and pulled his head back down when the telephone rang on the table at the side of them.

He complied and manoeuvred their bodies so she lying underneath him, his other hand fumbling with the bottom of her top, attempting to pull it up over her body but when the answering machine cut in, Sam lunged out from underneath him and flew to the phone.

"Hey guys, I know you're probably having sex or whatever but I was just wondering if you guys wanted to catch some lunch before Luka's shift late-"

"You!"

Luka sat up in surprise when he heard the bite in Sam's voice but her grinning face told him she was only pretending. Luka dropped his hands from his face and pursed his lips – she had again managed to get away from him touching her.

"I can't believe you kissed Abby!"

He snapped his head up to her and began furiously shaking his head at her, telling her to stop talking but to no avail.

"You didn't tell me! – Aaah! Here's Luka, my programme has just come back on!"

Sam sat down next to Luka, pushed the phone to his ear, and hooked her arm around his as she settled in to see Anise and Martouf arrive through the Stargate.

"It was either that or no sex for a month," Luka said lightly and Sam turned to him, kissing his jaw line, her eyes turned to the television set.

"Yeah I'll see you later," he said and she heard the resounding beep as he hung up. "I meant to tell you last night: Weaver has booked you in for your first shift back next week when the new med students start," he told her but she simply nodded. He sighed in frustration and shook his head.

"What?" She asked, glancing fleetingly at him before returning her gaze to the television.

"I didn't know you had been thinking about going back to work."

She shrugged but didn't look away from the television and he stood abruptly from the sofa.

"Where are you going?"

"I'm going to take a shower," he told her without pausing in his journey up the steps.

"Are you mad at me for not telling you?"

"Yes," he replied quickly as he ascended the stairs. He couldn't hear Sam's reply over the sound of the door to the bathroom slamming shut.

**TBC**


	5. Part 3

"So, how are things with you and Luka?"

Sam heaved the last gargantuan box into the hallway of her new apartment from the corridor outside. Straining against the weight, she tossed her hair over her shoulder, turned to Abby and shrugged, letting go of the box and stumbled backwards slightly.

"The same as always really."

It was still undeniably awkward for Sam to talk to Abby about Luka and no matter how many times they'd had the conversations, it never got any less uncomfortable. Glancing quickly at her friend, Sam turned back to the box and dragged it further into the lounge. Her multitude of boxes had joined Luka's still unpacked boxes in his storage block on the outskirts of the city – the police had eventually released her apartment and its' contents after countless forensic tests, just to make sure it iwas /i actually Steve that had attacked her and not Luka. She had almost had to fight Luka for the papers and PIN number for the little garage like hole the night before as he resolutely refused to help her shift her belongings.

He had barely spoken to her for the past week – since he had unceremoniously stomped his way up the stairs to the bathroom and banged the door after discovering that Sam had been in talks with Kerry about getting her job at County back. She understood his frustrations: she knew she would be just as angry with him if he had did the same with her but she really didn't think it warranted the cold shoulder for four days. She had asked him if he wanted to go out for dinner on his solitary night off the day before and he had shaken his head and flipped the page in his book, his eyes never leaving the text before him.

Shaking her head in frustration, Sam let go of the box and snapped up straight.

"I need a drink."

Abby looked up over the edge of the haphazard, beige sofa and raised her eyebrow, looking towards the bare kitchen. "You ihave /i drink? Sam, you don't even have a refrigerator plugged in yet."

Sam looked towards the dull, warm stainless steel refrigerator and felt an embarassed smile creep across her features. By the time she turned back to Abby, she was grinning inanely and Abby was barely refraining from laughing.

"Bar?"

Abby stood and grabbed her short jacket that she had tossed over the back of the sofa and walked out of the door, waiting for Sam to follow.

--

Shifting on the hard plastic of the upturned milk crate, he felt his butt grate off the frayed edge and he stood up abruptly, surrendering his attempts to get comfortable. He looked up at the window and saw that it was now dark and empty, his momentary distraction causing him to lose sight of her. Glancing fervently at the hallway windows, he still saw no silhouette: neither hers nor the attractive, older woman she was with; _Abby_if he remembered correctly.

He had to admit, she was a rather attractive woman and if she happened to get up in his plans for Sam well…

Grinning sadistically and marvelling at his own lurid fantasies, he almost missed their exit from the building but her distinctive, shrill voice reverberated off the glass and penetrated his clouded mind and he snapped back to reality.

Realising that they were moving away from the apartment building, he frowned as he glanced at the old fake canvas Fossil watch noting the lateness of the evening and wondered where his leading ladies were off to.

Waiting the customary thirty seconds, he gripped his thin, brightly coloured parka tighter around him and set off down the opposite side of the street, his head bent his eyes upturned watching as Sam and Abby laughed gaily not even fifty feet ahead of him.

They had no idea he was there.


	6. Part 4

John Carter stretched laggardly on his swivelling chair in the admit area of County General's ER. He was tired. His head ached. And he wanted a nice, long hot bath. Glancing at the clock, he groaned, realising that his luxurious fantasy would have to wait another five hours and thirty minutes until it was fulfilled.

"Long night," he heard from above him and he swung around, his head tilted backwards on his neck to the owner of the voice.

"Yeah," he murmured and rolled his neck and shoulders, while Luka leaned against the edge of the desk, his long legs stretched out in front of him. "I'm dreaming of a nice, long, hot, bubbly bath and then opening my eyes and finding myself… here." He fanned his hands out in front of him as he said the last word, his eyes conveying the immense disappointment that he felt. Luka smirked and John rolled his eyes. "I see you sympathise with my predicament."

"Sam moved out of my apartment today."

John stopped his evanescent swinging and planted his feet firmly on the ground, cocking his head to the side and staring at Luka, confused.

"That was… unexpected," John offered, biting the edge of his lip.

He had spoken to Sam countless times over the past weeks about – everything, essentially: including her motivations for moving out of Luka's apartment. Initially, John had been confused, dumbfounded and outright shocked but when she had explained her reasoning, John had been able to see where she was coming from. He also knew beyond a doubt that Luka had no idea: abut his and Sam's midnight conversations or about Sam's fear of him getting bored of her. He had been flabbergasted when she had spoken to old cliché 'treat them mean to keep them keen'. He had laughed it off but, internally, he had feared that Sam's actions would push Luka away.

He could see now that he had been right. The man in front of him wasn't the same person he had been seven days before. Luka raised his eyebrows and pursed his lips, attempting a smile but resulting in a grimace. John smiled sympathetically.

"I think maybe it's for the best anyway," Luka muttered and looked down at the clipboard he had picked up from the desktop.

"And how is that?" John asked, genuinely surprised by Luka's comment. That was the_last_ thing he had expected to come from Luka: the man who was so besotted with Sam that, according to Sam, even followed her to the bathroom. John doubted it, but the image was rather amusing.

Luka shrugged, not allowing his eyes to meet John's and John knew that he was lying.

"We haven't really been getting along as well as we could, lately."

John closed his eyes: he knew it would come to this. Luka was being Luka and shutting Sam out so that he wouldn't get hurt. He had seen him do it before in the early months of his relationship with Abby and it had almost destroyed that relationship: he didn't think he could watch him do it again.

"Luka…"

"MVC rolling up!" Haleh called as she ran past admit desk from the radio station towards the ambulance bay.

John looked over to Luka quickly before they both rushed towards the doors.

--

Sam slid the key into the door and turned the lock, revelling in the fact that she was home. The late hour, the long day of shifting heavy boxes and furniture and the two mile run she'd endured before Luka woke up that morning were causing a wave of exhaustion to sweep over her. Despite going out on search of some alcoholic beverages, she hadn't had that much to drink. Two beers after entering the local bar and she and Abby had to fend off numerous over-weight and balding forty-somethings looking for a quickie in the back loos and they had decided that no amount of alcohol was worth it.

All night, she'd had an eerie suspicion that someone had been watching her but whenever she had turned around, all she saw was drunk mean slouching over not-so-drunk women and bar staff. She had mentioned it to Abby but, despite Abby's assurances, she still couldn't shake the chill.

Moving towards the still unpainted bedroom, she shed her jeans and unhooked her bra, pulling it through the sleeve of her tee and tossed it to the laminated wooden floor. Sliding into the made-up bed, she sighed contentedly as she spread out and didn't feel Luka's presence.

She felt guilty for revelling in that surprising luxury but she knew that she had to. If she didn't, they would quickly become routine, boring and she knew that they deserved so much more than that. She also knew that she should have told him her fears - God knows John had almost battered her into telling him – but she just… couldn't. He was most definitely not an easy person to talk to and when he was in a mood with her, it was downright impossible.

She picked up her cell phone, flipped it open, and read the time on the display. She wondered if she should call him at the hospital, just to talk to him but quickly shook her head and tossed the phone onto the pillow beside her head, disregarding the thought. How desperate would that seem - calling him on the first night that she was living alone, just to talk to him?

Stretching out and arching her back away from the mattress in an attempt to crack her own back, she thumped back down when she saw a shadow streak past her window on the fire escape outside. Feeling her heartbeat rising wildly in her chest she closed her eyes and counted to ten, slowly sliding under the covers and pulling them over her head.

God, she felt like a five year old on all hallows eve.

Opening them again, she inched her hand out into the cold air surrounding her and reached for the small cell phone. Gripping it in her hand, she pulled it down and flipped it open, squinting in the bright light. She scrolled through her numbers and shakily held the phone to her ear.

"Cook County General, how can I help?"

"Frank, it's me, Sam. Is Luka or John around?"

Surely her voice wasn't as shaky as she thought?

"And by John you mean Carter right?"

Sam nodded and rolled her eyes.

"Yep."

_Oh yeah_, definitely that shaky.

"Well, both of them are. Which one do you want?"

Rolling her eyes again, she felt her heartbeat begin to slow down already. There was no way she was sticking her head back out.

"Whoever is closer."

She heard the phone fumbling around as it was passed across to whichever one of the two was closer and she felt her heartbeat rise again at the fact that there wasn't a voice on the other end.

"Hello?"

She smiled.

"Hey, it's me. Just wanted to talk to you…"

**TBC **


	7. Part 5

Jocelyn Taggert groaned as she turned over onto her left side and felt the base of her spine crack because of the motion. The early morning sunlight was streaming through the thin muslin curtains that floated gently in the early morning breeze.

Samuel Taggert was nowhere to be seen.

Sighing and rolling onto her back, she glanced to where she had expected to see his morning face peering back at her as the six am sun shone into his eyes but saw only pillow. She used her elbows to prop herself up and looked around the barren room. There was literally no sign of him. She stood up and stretched, her forty two year old back cracking even more as she arched it. Padding towards the large bay window that offered a view onto the green at the back of their adequately sized home in Elgin, Jocelyn looked down to the patio beneath and saw Samuel sitting at the patio table with a glass of orange juice, a broadsheet and a bowl of muesli.

Sighing again, she moved the foot of the bed and picked up her dressing gown, sliding it over her shoulders. Holding onto the pine banister as she descended the stairs, she thought about the argument she and Samuel had had the night before that resulted in him sleeping in Sam's old bedroom. It had been about nothing really, and as the night wore on, she had felt guilty for over-reacting to him burning the dinner but her pride just would not allow her to be the one to apologise.

After making toast in the grill, she too moved out onto the patio and sat herself down across from him on one of the white plastic chairs. He didn't even look up. Shaking her head, she reached out to the jug of freshly squeezed orange juice and poured herself a glass. She was half way through it and staring at the mess of her rose bed when he eventually spoke.

"Sam called last night." Jocelyn looked at him over the edge of the glass and raised her eyebrow. "I was going to tell you last night before…" He trailed off, folded the broadsheet in the middle, and placed it down on the table.

"What was she saying?"

He shook his head and sipped on his own orange, his tanned arm bending awkwardly at the elbow. At forty-five years old, Samuel Taggert was suffering from rheumatoid arthritis that, on a bad day, had him crippled in bed. On a good day, though, it was nothing more than an annoying twinge in his joints that was curable with two aspirin.

He had managed to stay on the phone to his daughter for over three hours, catching up on all the gossip of their lives. She was – as Jocelyn would say – the 'peach of his eye' (although his new Taylor Made 200 Driver was a close second) and he would bend over backwards for her.

"She was just talking about Luka, her new apartment, getting her job back. She starts on Monday, by the way."

Jocelyn nodded. Despite Samuel's over-whelming love for his daughter, he was never over-zealous when it came to showing that love. She knew that he loved her and that was enough. He doted on her and would literally spin the world if he thought it would make her laugh, but he also never went into any great detail when he spoke of her. It was, as he called it, "father-daughter time".

"I was thinking of popping down to see her in a few weeks time. Spend some time in Chicago over the summer," Jocelyn told him as she picked up the broadsheet from the table.

Samuel nodded and leaned back in his chair. Clearly, whatever had been bothering his wife the night before had been washed away and she was, once again, the serene woman that he loved.

"Sounds nice. I might just come down with you."

Jocelyn looked up and smiled in affirmation, then looked back down and continued reading.

--

Sam stood atop her ladder, reaching with the roller into the corner of the wall when she heard the doorbell ring. Cursing, she set the paint soaked roller on the tray and descended, wiping away the beads of sweat on her forehead with her wrist. Walking past her open bedroom window, she revelled in the cooling gust that floated through, evaporating the sticky sheen on her face.

Clad in her old Nike gym crop top and a pair of faded dungarees, she padded through the hallway to the door. Opening it just as the person pressed the bell again, she smiled as he smiled sheepishly in at her.

He held up two brown shopping bags and offered his most apologetic smile. Sam acquiesced and let him in.

"Hey," she greeted as she reached out to take a bag from him and kissed his cheek.

"Hey," he replied and followed her to the kitchen. "I just wanted to apologise for being such an ass about all of this."

Sam turned to him and smiled after setting the bag on the worktop. She reached out and took his bag off him and set it down too, rummaging through them for something to drink. Victoriously pulling out a bottle of Pepsi, she opened the cap and glugged greedily at it. When she finally stopped gulping, she turned to Luka, who was leaning against her newly-plugged-in fridge with a mocking smile on his face.

"Thirsty?"

"Oh you have no idea," she replied after trying to discreetly burp behind her hand.

"I'll put this stuff away and then you can give me the grand tour." Sam smiled at his attempts at chivalry and sat back as he opened the doors to empty cupboards, his confusion growing. Finally, he turned to her, holding a loaf of bread in his hand, his other hand on his hip. "Where does everything go?"

Sam smiled again and didn't take her eyes off him. Black, she noted, was definitely a colour she would never tire of seeing him in. His simple black tee was sculpted perfectly around his frame, his faded denims falling around his elongated legs, held over his hips with a black belt with a silver buckle that had a tiny Croatian flag on the corner.

"Just put it all in the fridge and I'll show you the bedroom." She watched as he raised his eyebrow and tried to contain his smile. Smiling seductively herself, she pouted slightly and glanced away before coyly adding: "It's the only one that has any paint on the walls." He nodded his head and bit back his laughter and moved towards her, dropping the bread onto the worktop. "Ah-ah-ah Kovac. Fridge."

She pushed her fingers into his chest and he stepped backwards slightly, his eyes scanning her face. He moved quickly, pinning her arms to her side and dove for her lips. Minutes later, he pulled back and looked at her flustered face, her closed eyes, parted lips and smiled.

"So this is the kitchen and, if you'd like to follow me, I'll show you the bedroom…" She said finally in an air-hostess tone and grabbed him by the collar, dragging him down the corridor – leaving no room for objection to the contrary.


	8. Part 6

"So, what's going to happen with you and Abby?" Sam asked as she lifted a forkful of spaghetti to her lips and glanced over to Carter.

Sitting in the back of an Italian restaurant in downtown Chicago, Sam and Carter were enjoying each other's company and the platefuls of spaghetti dishes in front of them. Carter was dressed casually in a blue tee, jeans and black leather loafers. His hair was its usual flat self and he looked as though he hadn't shaved in a good few days.

Shrugging and glancing away from Sam, he reached out and lifted his glass of water and sipped from it, his eyes turned down to the plate in front of him.

"Nothing."

Sam looked up, a loose curl falling in front of her face and she tucked it away with her free hand, and frowned.

She too was dressed casually: a light pink tee, light jeans and a pair of sandals that hadn't seen the light since Ohio. Her hair was unruly and curly, held haphazardly by a clasp that was not doing its job. Make-up-less and carefree, John tried to think of a time when she had looked more naturally beautiful.

"Why not?" She asked after swallowing her food and wiping her mouth.

He shrugged again and leaned his elbows on the tabletop, and grabbed a slice of garlic bread from Sam's plate.

"I don't really know, actually," he muttered and then shook his head. "Actually, that's a lie. She's still not over Luka."

Sam flinched and looked away and John immediately regretted his words. He knew that the subject of Abby and Luka was still a shaky one with Sam – and with Luka and Abby. He also knew that Sam secretly appreciated John telling her how Abby was feeling because, despite it being awkward for her to hear it from him, it was unbearable for her to hear it from Abby.

"I think it's just too soon, or too close to home – I'm not really sure. I just know that she doesn't want to pursue it any further."

Sam nodded and sipped her coke. A long silence elapsed between them, punctuated only by the sound of forks against plates and glasses clinking off the table.

"So, you're back at work tomorrow?" John asked eventually as he watched Sam push a slice of garlic bread around her plate in an effort to pick up some sauce.

"Yep," she mumbled unenthusiastically and stuffed the corner of the slice into her mouth, rolling her eyes in his direction as she did so. She chomped impatiently and John laughed. He loved this playful, youthful side of her. He just hoped Luka realised how lucky he was. "Luka's a little less than impressed, though."

John pursed his lips and looked down, nodding his head.

"Yeah, he told me." He looked up to her once again and raised his eyebrow. "You know where I stand on the matter. I think you should tell him. He thinks you want to break up with him, for crying out loud. The guy is going crazy, he doesn't know whether he's coming or going."

Sam raised her eyebrow back at him. Trust it to be John who put her in her place with no qualms.

"What do you mean?" She asked innocently, knowing exactly what he meant.

She knew that she had been blowing hot and cold with Luka. One minute she was all over him, the next she was making excuses so she didn't need to be in his company. She felt horrible, hypocritical – but she also felt it was the only thing she could do.

"You have to tell him how you're feeling Sam otherwise he's just going to keep pulling away from you," John stressed. "You may not realise it right now but you're hurting him and you're hurting yourself by being, basically, a bitch to him."

Sam sat back and guffawed. She hadn't expected him to say that to her. He knew why she was acting the way she was and this was like a stab in the back.

"I can't believe you just said that to me," she muttered, shaking her head in disgust.

_How dare he?_

"You know I'm right."

"Whether I know that or not isn't the point, you shouldn't be saying it."

"But it would be all right if Susan or Abby said it to you? Just because I'm a guy I'm not allowed to point out the obvious?"

Sam snapped her head up to him and tried to bite back the laughter that was erupting within her. She knew he was right and she knew she had over-reacted. Hell, she had called herself much worse than that. She just hated it being pointed out to her by someone else.

"Ugh… I know you're right, I know. I just… I don't know how to talk to him," she muttered and ran her thumb over the rim of her glass.

John reached out and covered her hand with his, playing with her fingers.

"You have to try."

She looked up to him, then to their entwined fingers and nodded.

"I know…"

Across the street, hidden in the shadow of a balcony from the building overhead, he watched them.

**TBC**


	9. Part 7

Pulling into Luka's street, she parked her car behind his truck and just sat there. The lights in his apartment were dull in the windows and she could see colours moving across the ceiling in the lounge room meaning that he was watching television. Gone straight home hours before but after leaving John at nine-thirty, she had driven around downtown Chicago for two hours watching the various people meandering about the streets, living their lives, wondering whether or not she should heed John's advice and talk to Luka.

Talking wasn't something they were good at: wasn't something _she _was good at. Talking around things, making love, making dinner: _that_ they were good at. But then, maybe, if they talked, it wouldn't be like this.

Eventually, she climbed out of the car and trudged up the steps. She opened the front door quietly with the key that Luka had refused to take back off her. She didn't know if Luka would be asleep or not, as according to John, he'd had a pretty rough day at work. She stepped down the stairs, deposited her coat and bag in the kitchen area before moving to the lounge. She couldn't help the gentle smile that escaped her lips as she saw him, curled up on the sofa that was far too small for his large frame, his head tucked into the corner of the sofa, hit butt hanging over the edge.

She walked up to his head and ran her fingers through his hair and he shifted but didn't waken. She watched him for a few seconds as he licked his lips and shuffled about more on the sofa. She sighed and closed her eyes, retracting her hand and moving to sit on the coffee table in front of him. She loved watching him like this. She loved the way he was so… human. Sighing, she closed her eyes and wondered how she could ever tire of him. But that wasn't the problem, it was the possibility of_him_ tiring her that was.

"Hey," she heard his voice croak into the dim room as he picked up the remote and flicked off the television.

She hadn't even realised he had woken up.

"Hey," she smiled slightly and watched him again, feeling her lips begin to tremble.

"What are you doing here?" He grumbled as he sat up and pulled a hand through his hair. "Have you been eating garlic?" he asked with a frown on his face as he tried to see through his sleep-glazed eyes.

She cleared her throat and stood up, smiling.

"Yeah, John and I were out for dinner," she replied and hovered in front of his seated form and saw him purse his lips.

She waited until he opened his arms to her before sliding onto his lap and wrapping her arms around his neck, pulling him tightly to her chest. She inhaled his scent and breathed out deeply into his neck as his arms slid around her waist coaxing her further into him.

"You and John get on really well, don't you?" She heard him mumble into her chest and she pulled back slightly, looking down her nose to his upturned eyes.

"He's my friend," she retaliated, more harshly than she had intended.

She saw him purse his lips again and look away to the side as he shrugged.

"I'm just saying, I wasn't implying anything."

"Yeah," she almost scoffed and he looked back up at her again with a grimace on his face.

"What is wrong with you lately?" He asked as he pushed her off him and stood up, marching around to the other side of the coffee table. "You've been acting like this for weeks now!"

Sam said nothing as she pulled her legs up to her chest and glared at him from beneath her eyelashes.

"If you want to end this, then end it! There is the door, Sam, walk out of it if you want!" He yelled mutedly and raised his arm in the direction of the door.

She didn't move.

"If that's what you really want, then I'll go," she muttered icily into her forearms.

He exhaled deeply and dropped his arm, scrubbing his hand across his face. He couldn't do this for much longer. He missed the days when they were happy, when she wasn't acting as if she didn't want to be with him. He missed her.

"You know that's not what I want, Sam," he muttered and looked back to her, sinking down to his haunches, leaning his arms against the table in front of him. "I just feel like you've been waiting for me to say that for weeks now."

She looked up at him then. John was right. She had been pushing him away, and he was hurting because of it. _She_ was hurting because of it. Seeing him like this, so desperate, so desolate made her feel like an island with no bridges. She was isolated and it was all her own making.

"C'mere," she muttered and indicated with her head the space that he had recently vacated.

She watched him as he debated with himself. In those few seconds, Sam realised that he was a boat, sailing further and further away from her. And she was creating the wind that was caught in his sails, pushing him further and further away from her.

Closing her eyes, she sighed deeply and when she opened them again, he was hovering over the seat next to her, looking uncertain and fragile. Shifting herself so there was enough room for the both of them; Sam held her breath as he sat down.

_All you gotta do is talk to him…_

The problem was - they didn't talk. It wasn't their forte.

An awkward silence fell between them. It's ridiculous – they shouldn't be acting like this. This was_them._

"I just… I don't know what you want me to do anymore."

She turned to him then, biting her bottom lip, her eyes raking in his disquieted face.

"I'm not even sure I know anymore," she mumbled and looked away from his face as he winced painfully.

Her gaze fell out of the window, to the late disappearing twilight. It was a beautiful night out, the hazy stars brightening every second with the disappearance of the flaming orange ball of light, slipping slowly behind the Chicago skyline. _Breathtaking_ she had once described it as.

"I just… I need to know one thing," he murmured and Sam turned to him and nodded evanescently. "Do you… I mean are you still… I feel ridiculous asking you this."

Sam smiled, quietly amused by his mumblings.

"Come on, it's just me," she told him and let out an airy laugh.

"That's just it… I don't know how to talk to you, anymore." Sam gulped. Hearing him say that had hurt much more than she had thought it would. She felt as though someone had just punched her in the gut, leaving her winded and breathless. "I just… are you still in love – with me."

Sam turned sharply to him, and gawked. "Of_course_ I am!" She exclaimed and plunged her hand into his thick black hair. "So much."

He nodded and bit the corner of his lip. "Good, that's… good." He turned to her and her hand slid down across his ear and he smiled tiredly at her. "I was afraid that… well, you know."

Sam leaned forward and he pulled her across his lap. Resuming her earlier position astride him, Sam stroked his hair as she fought back tears. God, she was such a chicken heart when it came to this man. An ounce of pain from him and she felt it like a tonne of bricks.

"Hey… are you okay?" He asked as he felt her arms begin to tremble.

She smiled slowly and shook her head, leaning her forehead against his, holding his gaze.

"I just… I love you, I love you so much."

He smiled as she wrapped herself around him again, her legs tightening around his waist so much so that he feared she would cut the circulation off to his legs. He pulled her just as tightly to him and brushed his fingers up and down her spine in a comforting gesture as he felt his shoulder begin to dampen under her tears.

"Are you sure you're okay?" He asked quietly into her hair as she took in a trembling breath.

"Yeah."

The word was mumbled against his neck and he nodded, stroking her hair now, his other hand resting on the top of her thigh at his waist and he stroked his thumb over the denim material of her trousers.

He didn't know what to say so he said nothing, letting his actions be the comfort. He felt her breathing even out after a while and he turned his head into her hair and kissed her jaw.

Picking himself up off the sofa, he held Sam's thighs in place with his arms, carried her up the stairs to their bedroom and laid her down on the bed before climbing in beside her. Her beauty still awed him and he couldn't resist stroking her face with his finger. Her skin was always so soft, her lips always so full and he wondered how he could ever survive without her.

She opened her eyes under his touch and watched him as he gazed at her with such adoration that it shook her to her core.

"Make love to me, Luka," she whispered to him and saw his eyes dart to her lips.

He leaned over her and pressed his mouth to hers, his hands stroking lovingly over her body. His hands caressed her with such adoration, such gentleness; his lips and tongue kissed and teased her until she was sure she could handle it no more. His gentleness still surprised her – he treated her as though she were porcelain sometimes but other times they were so frenzied and hurried that she was unsure how neither of them were injured. As much as she loved their more passionate trysts, she had to admit she preferred the more sensual, tender moments where she was left knowing how deeply he loved her.

When she felt that she could take no more of his teasing, she hooked her hands under his shoulders and pulled him up to her, delving her lips onto his neck, nibbling and tasting his skin there, her hands stroking up and down his back, across his chest until i he /i was the one begging for her to stop, to let him take her.

His mouth met hers as their bodies joined, their tongues tangling, teasing, stroking with such tender passion as their lower bodies joined in a timeless melody. She cried out his name as she was awash with emotions and sensations and dizzy from her bodies yearning for release. He stilled within her and stared down at her and she almost cried at the torturous pleasure of having him staring at her with eyes heavy with passion.

"Please…" she panted and she didn't have to ask twice.

When it was over and he was collapsed on top of her, she cradled his head to her chest and stroked his hair with her fingers as he traced his hands up and down her rib cage. She tingled from where he touched her and she rolled her head back on the pillows.

This was their language.

--

He reached out to find her body but was met with cold, empty air and he opened his eyes. The clock read 0221 and he closed his eyes before rolling onto his back. Opening them again, he scanned the room for her presence and saw her stretched along the length of the wide windowsill, looking out across the slumbering city with a sheet draped around her body.

He stood up from the bed, pulled on his boxers and moved towards her quietly. He stood beside her, observing the horizon lightening as the sun began to peak her weary head over the darkness and he sighed. She pressed her shoulder into his abdomen and he slid his arms around her, leaning down to kiss her forehead.

"What are you doing up?" he asked quietly, the darkness making him want to whisper so as not to break the gentleness of the moment.

"Just thinking," she whispered back, her head pressing into his chest as her cool hand moved up to rest on his wrist.

He sighed under her touch, revelling in the tingling sensation that still wormed its way around his body.

"What about?"

She shook her head and her hand on his wrist tightened.

"Nothing in particular." She was silent again and he leaned more into her, pulling her body tighter to him. "I forget sometimes how much I love you," she muttered and Luka felt a lone tear drop onto his joined hands and he frowned slightly.

"Hey…" he admonished quietly, pulling body around so her legs swung off the sill and her back pressed against the glass. He watched her face as she stared at the ground and he used the pads of his thumb to wipe away the tear track that marked her cheek. "What's brought all this on?" he asked as he smiled slightly.

She said nothing but sobbed slightly and pushed her head into his abdomen, throwing her arms around his waist and clutching at his back. He felt her tears moisten the skin on his abdomen and track down to his waistband. He cradled her head for a moment before bending down to her seated height and held her face in his hands.

"Sam, what's wrong? Let me help you," he stressed, his heart clenching at seeing her in such an emotional state and not being able to help her.

She simply shook her head again and wiped at her face.

"I should go," she stood up quickly and brushed past him slowly.

He reached his arm up and caught onto her wrist, holding her back. "Let me help you, Sam. Talk to me. _Talk to me_. Tell me what's wrong."

She slumped back down onto the window sill, the sheet slipping down her body a little more, revealing more skin than Luka thought he could handle.

"I don't know," she mumbled and he poked at her petted bottom lip causing her to laugh. "I just… I've never felt like this before and it scares me, Luka. I'm scared that we'll lose the whole… sparkage thing – and I'm scared. I'm scared that you'll wake up one day and not want to be with me because you're bored of me."

And suddenly he realised why she had been pulling away from him. All the time he had thought she was bored of him but she was scared that he would get bored of her.

"That's not going to happen, Sam," he told her confidently but she shook her head.

"How do you know that?" She asked uncertainly, her fingers fiddling with his as they rested now in her lap.

"Because you're beautiful," he stroked her cheeks and tilted her head up. "You're beautiful and I love you," he told her, holding her eyes as he did so, speaking the words that he so rarely said in English but uttered to her in Croatian all the time.

She smiled brightly despite herself and leaned forward, pressing her lips to his, her tongue seeking entrance to his mouth. Helpless to do anything else, Luka granted it and pulled her body with him back towards the bed.

As they fell back onto the mattress, Sam groaned and pulled her lips away from his.

"I should go," she muttered and began to sit up but Luka held her in place.

"It's already three in the morning. Can't you just stay here? For tonight?" He pleaded with her, his fingers stroking across her shoulder blades, slowly inching down her back, taking the sheet with him.

She didn't answer him verbally, but her lips on his, her hands stroking his face were answer enough for him.

**TBC**


	10. Part 8

_**Written by my friend Maike, whose first language is NOT english. Saying that, she did do a really good job, and I thank her so much for writing this when I had lost my muse.**_

The doors to the ER slid open and Sam stepped through, walking past crying and pained looking patients with various injuries plaguing them. God, how she had missed this place.

When Sam awoke that morning, Luka was still sleeping. She took a moment to watch him, how his lips were slightly open, breathing evenly. He lay on his side facing her and his eyes were moving beneath his lids. He looked so peaceful like this. Not wanting to wake him, she quietly climbed out and got dressed before making herself a cup of coffee and heading to the El.

Walking up to admit she was greeted by the sight of a busy looking Frank who was sorting through files, all the while glancing up as if he was looking for someone. Frank noticed her and gave her a nod.

"You starting today Sam?"

"Yep."

"Good. We could really use some help in here…"

"Gee, Frank, it's good to see you too," she answered sarcastically, smiling at him and walking to the lounge.

As she stepped in, she was hit by absolute darkness. When her eyes became accustomed to the dim light, she saw Abby lying on the sofa, her mouth slightly open and her stethoscope on the floor. Sam went quietly, as not to wake Abby, to her locker and got changed.

She felt a little nervous about coming back after this rather long break from work. What if she forgot how to do her job? What if she forgot where everything was, what certain symptoms hint at? What if people think she's too slow, too forgetful, too uncoordinated?

She slammed her locker shut, totally lost in her thoughts and worries and jumped when Abby sat upright on the sofa and began to talk.

"I'm awake! I just lay down for a minute!"

When Abby realized it was Sam who was staring at her wide eyed, she first slumped back into the sofa sighing "Oh Sam, it's you", and then got up to greet Sam.

"It's good to have you back. How are you feeling?"

"Great," she lied through her smile. "Can't wait to get started."

After half her shift was over Sam hadn't helped with one single trauma. Susan had told her to start slowly so she could get accustomed to the business of an ER again. So Sam applied casts, sewed, cleaned and bandaged wounds. Although she was glad that Susan had cut down her responsibilities, Sam missed to help with those traumas.

Standing at admit, putting back files of patients that had already been treated and getting new ones from the rack and bumped into Haleh who was angrily muttering under her breath.

"What's up?" Sam questioned, while looking through the top file, glancing at Haleh.

"Oh it's nothing. Just this really annoying patient that just doesn't want to calm down for his infusion."

Seeing her chance for a little more action Sam asked, "You need some help?"

"No thanks, I'll just wait for Carter to -"

Sensing that Haleh just refused her help because it was her first day back and wanted to do her some good, Sam interrupted her.

"Come on Haleh, I think we can manage alone."

With that she began to walk away and after a few steps looked back only to see Haleh still standing at admit.

"Are you coming?"

Laughing slightly she answered: "I'm on my way dear…"

The old man struggled out of Sam's grasp again.

"Sir, please. You need this infusion. You are dehydrated."

Sam tried to calm him down while Haleh tried to make him sit back down, as they both grappled for an arm.

"Sir," Sam began again, "I promise I won't hurt you."

She tried to explain it to him in the simplest way

"I will just give you some water through this little tube so you don't feel dizzy and sick anymore. Doesn't that sound good? No more feeling sick?"

The old man nodded slightly and stilled his movements.

"Okay, that's great. Haleh, can you give me the –" Sam started to say but saw Haleh hand her the needle and tube at the same time. "Thanks."

While Haleh held the man's arm in place Sam put the needle inside his vein.

"See, you're doing great!" She connected the tube with the infusion and placed it on the rack IV stand before walking out.

Walking through the corridor, Haleh was talking to Sam about the gossip she had missed. Suddenly, an unnoticed a hand snuck out of the drug cupboard and caught Sam's hand, pulling her to the hand's owner. Outside in the corridor, Haleh kept on walking. And talking. When she wanted to look at Sam she wasn't there and Haleh stopped, looked around and when she realized that Sam was nowhere to be seen she turned, shaking her head in confusion.

The owner of the hand pulled Sam to him and whispered, "I missed you this morning."

"Yeah, well, I had to go to work," Sam answered innocently and gave him her best smile.

Luka stuck out his bottom lip, "But I didn't get a chance to say good-bye!"

"Well, you could make up for that…"

Luka bent his head down and inched his lips towards Sam's when they heard someone call:

"Double MVC rolling up!"

Sam sighed in frustration (she had missed him too that morning) and Luka straightened, smiling apologetically at her and walking out with Sam in tow. They arrived at admit just in time to see four traumas being rolled in. Luka rushed towards the third while Sam stood next to Frank, unsure whether she should disregard what Susan had said or comply. The next second Susan came rushing in with the fourth patient and looked at Sam.

"Could you give us a hand Sam?"

"Sure," was all she could say and ran after Susan.

"Sam, phone surgery and ask for someone to come down"

Feeling completely back to her old self and feeling confident again she did what Susan had asked for. When the needed surgeon had still not arrived after fifteen minutes of trying to stabilize the patient Susan asked Sam to look for him herself.

Covered in blood, Sam went out and rushed past the other three patients, along the corridors not bothering with the elevator and bounded up the stairs, ignoring the jarring in her leg, her hair flailing about her shoulders and finally ascended onto the surgery floor.

Looking left and right down the sterile corridors, she decided on left and turned that way when, from her right, she heard an all too familiar voice:

"Sam? Is that you?" Sam spun around and came face to face with an all too familiar man.

"Paul?"


	11. Part 9

Sam was still in shock as she led Paul down to Trauma one where the young man was in desperate need of a surgeon – student or not. Passing by the terminals and cupboards in a blur, she couldn't comprehend the words that he was saying to her.

Was he really here? The guy that she had been out on 'dates' with? He was a medical student?

Christ, she realised, he was only two years younger than she was.

"Where's that surgical consult?" She heard from the other end of the corridor and recognised Luka's heavily accented voice.

Stepping up her pace, she barrelled through the double doors pushing them with her back, her bloody hands still held in front of her the way they had been the whole time. The site that greeted her was familiar but still unexpected: wads of surgical gauze and cloths were scattered around the floor at everyone's feet; Luka's hands were deep inside the boy's abdomen, his glasses falling down his nose, his hair matted against his forehead. Abby was leaning over the other side of the gurney, her hands occupied with equipment for a chest tube.

"Somebody called for a surgical consult?"

Sam snapped out of her state of shock and rushed to Luka's side, holding back the folds of skin so he could have better access to the young man's internal workings.

"Sam?" She almost didn't hear him over the chaos of the trauma room and turned towards him with a questioning look on her face. "Could you push my glasses up for me?"

Across from her, she could hear Haleh rattle off a list of the man's injuries and symptoms while Malik called out to anyone who was listening the man's SAT's were dropping. Sam pulled her hands away and, without thinking, raised her hand and pushed her fingers onto the plastic of Luka's glasses and slid them up his nose before turning away and pulling back the flaps of skin.

"Thanks," he replied dryly and Sam turned to him with a frown on her face and saw two red smudge marks across his field of vision.

"Sorry," she mumbled and looked up when she felt hands on her wrist, lifting them out of the way.

"Need a look-see, Sam," Paul told her as he held her wrists and smirked at her slightly.

Sam could feel Luka's interest pique at Beckett's use of her name. Turning towards him, she saw his jaw firmly set, his eyes cast towards Beckett as he manoeuvred Luka's hands out of the way.

"Okay, chest tube is in!" Abby called and Luka looked up at her, nodding and withdrew his hands.

"SAT's increasing," Malik told them and Luka nodded again.

"There's massive internal bleeding and-"

"Someone called for a consult?" Corday asked as she breezed through the double doors, her blue scrubs billowing around her. "Doctor Beckett, what's your report?"

Sam bustled about the room, fixing the patients mask and marking up his chart as she listened to Beckett, Corday, Luka and Abby discussing the best needs for the patient.

"SAT's are dropping fast!"

"Okay, move him up to six litres, Sam I want two more bags of O-neg and a round of epi just in case," she nodded to Luka and left the room.

"Oxygen is at one hundred percent!"

Sam rushed around into Trauma two and raided their cupboards – someone had yet to stock up Trauma one after that morning onslaught of traumas and they were running low on supplies.

"Sam we could use your help in here!" Susan called as Sam almost ran out of trauma two and into trauma one.

She paused at the doorway and turned back to Susan, shaking her head.

"Try Lydia, it's messy in here!"

She pivoted on her heel and rushed back into the chaos of her first trauma. She saw Corday and Beckett on one side and Luka towering over them both on the opposite side. She rushed around the bottom of the gurney and felt her footing slide out from under her as she stood on a soggy piece of gauze. She caught herself before she fell completely, but jarred her knee on the hard tile floor.

"Sam! Are you okay?" Luka asked as he stepped towards her but she waved him off, feeling her cheeks burn slightly in embarrassment.

"I'm fine, got the o-neg and the epi."

She stepped up beside Luka and saw Abby raise her eyebrow at her from the head of the gurney where she was revising her nursing years as she watched over the man's vitals as Malik disappeared into trauma two to help Susan. Sam simply shook her head and tried to ignore the throbbing in her knee.

"And if you just feel around… what do you feel?" Corday spoke in a lecture-ly tone to Beckett as he moved his hands about inside the man's abdomen, his tongue sitting on his teeth.

"I think I feel… I'm not sure, I think you should take a look Doctor Corday," he said as he began pulling his hands out.

"No, trust your gut instincts. Feel from your gut," Luka stated and Sam smiled at him as he switched from doctor to teacher.

After a few moments of silence, penetrated only by Abby calling out the vitals, Beckett spoke:

"Now that you mention it," he began and glanced up at Sam as she hung the second bag of blood, then to Luka. "There is a feeling in my gut."

Sam looked to Luka to see him remove his steely glare only to raise his eyebrow in a "so-follow-it" gesture and then turned back to Beckett.

"But then…" he paused and looked back to Sam before turning back to Luka. "It could be lunch related."

Sam tried to smother the grin that appeared on her face while Abby snorted in laughter. Sam could barely bring herself to look at Luka's face but when she did, she saw a blank wall, his jaw jutted out, moving from side to side.

He turned his upper body to her and pulled his jaw back in, and Sam could imagine the way he would be rubbing his tongue against the back of his bottom teeth in frustration.

"Put Corday down as the attending. I'm going to see if Susan needs any help."

Then he left, walking in the complete opposite direction of trauma two.

"Did I say something wrong?" Beckett asked and Sam glared at him.

"Okay, we're ready to take him up," Corday announced and Abby nodded, looking at Sam with an amused raised eyebrow.

--

Sam sat in the cage and looked through the plastic partition that separated her from the feeding sharks.

She had been put in triage for the last three hours of her shift after Susan learned of her fall in the trauma room and, if she was honest, she was glad. Her leg ached in a way it hadn't for a good month now and her knee was swollen, with a large black bruise gathering around the cap.

"Yo, chick." Sam looked up to the woman and raised her eyebrow at the greeting. "Look, I know you told me to wait but see, the thing is, I didn't want to tell you this before, ya know?"

Sam observed the tall, rather attractive brown-haired woman as she swayed her thick, long hair over her shoulder. Her brown eyes were deep set and ringed with dark circles. She coughed and Sam winced at the wheeze that escaped with it.

"Didn't tell me what?"

"I got lung cancer. Smoked sixty of these babies," she held up a pack of Marlboro reds and Sam frowned at the packet, "a day since I was fourteen."

Smiling forlornly and barely refraining from telling her to read the "Smoking Kills" advert on the packet, picked up the patient list and scanned through it.

"Please, chicka, you have no idea how much this hurts. Right here." As she said 'here', she grabbed onto her breast and squeezed it hard. Sam raised her eyebrows and let out an airy laugh.

"Okay, I'll see who's free to have a quick look at you." Sam spun around on her swivelling chair and saw Luka leave the bay at admit. "Doctor Kovac!" She called in an innocent voice and saw him turn towards her as he sorted his stethoscope around his neck.

He wasn't wearing his usual shirt and tie but a black roll neck sweater that Sam found very, very delectable to her eye. He moved towards her as she summoned him with her hand and he raised his eyebrow playfully as he neared her.

"Are you free to take a look at this patient, Doctor Kovac?"

Luka glanced away from her face to the beautiful woman standing on the opposite side and she watched as he did a double take and then fix his gaze back on Sam.

"Of course I am. Curtain two is open."

Sam nodded as he walked away in the direction of curtain two and turned back to the patient.

"And by free, I hope you mean in more ways than to take a look at me."

Sam simply smiled and stood up, allowing her eyes to roam over to Luka as he sat on the edge of the bed, his hands resting on his knees, smiling at her invitingly. She had to look away.

"Man, all he'd have to do is look at me and my top would be off," Sam heard Hathor (doubtful that that was her real name but Sam was never one to judge) mutter under her breath and Sam nodded in agreement.

_Just wait until he speaks…_ she thought as she stared back at him and intentionally licked her lips.

--

"Okay, what we're going to do is give you a breast exam, just to make sure the cancer hasn't spread that way. This is just routine but, if you'd rather wait for the x-rays to come back, or get a female doctor to do your breast exam then I understand," Luka spoke quietly and softly and Sam tried to smother the smile that threatened when she saw the pout Hathor was sending Luka.

"Hell, if there's gonna be anyone in this hospital examining my breasts I'd complain if it wasn't you, handsome."

Sam snorted and looked up to see Luka biting his lips, a reddish hue spreading across his face. From her place behind Hathor's head, Sam winked at Luka and saw his blush deepen.

"Whenever you're ready," Luka stated after clearing his throat and stepped up to the side of her bed, and Sam stepped to the opposite side to observe.

"For you, I'll always be ready."

Sam rolled her eyes and wondered if this was a result of the dose of morphine Luka had told her to issue, or if 'Hathor' was always like this. Hoping for the former, she knew it was more likely the latter.

A silence ensued in which Luka kept his eyes concentrated on Sam as she fiddled about with the different instruments on the table.

"Do you know who Hathor was, Doctor Kovac? Do you mind if I call you Doctor Kovac?"

Luka pursed his lips as he glanced at her face and shook his head.

"She was the Egyptian Goddess of fertility, music and drugs."

Sam laughed lightly as she nodded.

"Sex, drugs and rock and roll," she teased as Luka glared pointedly at her. "You almost done in here, Doctor Kovac?" She asked innocently and smiled.

"There are a few lumps," he stated as he pulled his hands away from her body and looked back to Hathor as she slowly, almost sensually, pulled her gown back over her body. "But we'll wait until we get the x-rays before we say anything conclusive."

With that, he nodded to Sam and Hathor and left. Both women watched him leave, both remembering the feel of his hands on their bodies.

"How can you work with him?"

"Who, Doctor Kovac?"

"Hell, more like Doctor Love!" She swooned theatrically and Sam wondered again if this was a morphine-induced high or a Luka-induced high that she knew she had experience way too many times. "Those hands…! God… has he ever given you a breast exam?"

Sam scoffed in the back of her throat, remembering the many, _many_ breast exams Luka had given her.

"Uh… no…" she lied, breathlessly and clenched her teeth as she remembered his lips on her body, tasting her, teasing her the previous night.

"Well, I strongly suggest that you get one… that man could charm the pants off a Nun – if they didn't burn a hole through them first."

Sam scoffed aloud and guffawed at Hathor before, grinning in shock and shaking her head.

"That was new…" She muttered through her laughter.

"It's true though."

Sam agreed internally and nodded externally.

"We'll be back with your x-rays soon," she said as she hung an IV bag and pulled the curtain around Hathor.

Walking up to the nurses' station, she flopped onto the counter top and rested her eyes, her hands in fists under her chin.

She felt him before she heard him. Pressing his back against hers, he wrapped his arms around her waist, under her scrub top and ran his thumb across her waistband, tickling her sensitive skin.

"I thought you only called me Doctor Kovac in bed?" He muttered into her hair as she pulled her body into a standing position and manoeuvred them further into the corner.

Squirming against him, she attempted to turn around, but he didn't allow her to move.

"Maybe I was thinking about how much I wanted you in bed that I was subconsciously trying to let you know…" she muttered seductively and felt his groan on her back and she grinned. "Either your stethoscope has fallen, Doctor Kovac, or someone else wants to go to bed too."

Grabbing onto her hand, he pulled her out of the nurses' station and called a quick "We're going for lunch!" over his shoulder to whoever was at admit, ignoring Frank's:

"But it's already three o'clock!"

**TBC**


	12. Part 10

"Luka…" She muttered into his shoulder as his kisses moved from her jawbone to her neck and then her shoulder. But he did not hear her: too engrossed in his impromptu exploration of her body.

As his fingers trickled up her back, against her spine, she shuddered and groaned out an incomprehensible word, pulling his body further to hers with her tiny hands. Her hand found its way into his hair, yanking at the short strands, holding him in place as he suckled on her pulse point, his hand that was not currently torturing her back holding back the collar of her loose scrub top, fingers tracing her collarbone delicately, seductively.

They hadn't even made it out of the ambulance bay yet.

But as his hand wound it's way further down her body, she pushed him back off of her and stared hard at him; her chest heaving, pressing alternately into his hand as it hovered over her breast; her hand tangled in his hair; her leg half-hooked around his thighs; her shoulders pressed against the cold, wet wall behind her.

They weren't even in a darkened corner. It was broad daylight. It was an open bay. They were making out.

Eventually, she slid her leg down, back to the ground and he disentangled himself from her enticing body. Instead of moving away from her though, he leaned down and brushed his lips past hers, evanescently, his breath lingering in her lips. She closed her eyes at the sensation and parted her lips, silently inviting him in but when she opened her eyes again, he had stepped away from her and was watching the traffic around them, holding his white lab coat delicately around him.

"So, what do you want for lunch?" He asked innocently as he turned back to her with his sunglasses (she wondered, fleetingly, where they had appeared from) adorning his face and she gasped – as she always did – at the vision.

"You," she replied breathily and saw him gulp down quickly, his Adam's apple rising up and down in his throat.

"I think that could be arranged…," he muttered as he reached his hand out and entangled his fingers with hers.

Sam sighed at the reconnection between their skin and smiled as he pulled her to his side and wrapped his arm around her shoulder, guiding them towards his truck, his fingers circling on her arms, sending a wave of shivers coursing through her.

--

He tried to ignore the protruding arousal that pulled his faded denims tight around his groin. It had been too long since he had witnessed any kind of sexual interaction: not so long since he had heard it though.

He wondered when it was that she became so utterly whorish to allow a man to touch her in such an intimate way in public, in an open, bright place. Even he had been pushed off when he tried to slip his hand into her back jean pocket as they walked down the street.

But not anymore. After he was finished with her, she wouldn't let anyone near her – in public or otherwise. That's if anyone was stupid enough to want to go near her again. But then, the Slav bastard had hung around after his last little round with the whore – what was to say he wouldn't hang around this time?

"Hey man, put that thing away," a gruff voice sounded beside him and he turned to the voice.

The man was elderly, a dirty grey beard hanging past his chin and meeting his sodden, grey shirt. His brown, tattered woollen overcoat was holey and patchy, his blue bonnet faded and misshapen. Snorting, he looked down at his arousal as it pulled at his denims.

"Nothing there, man. Can't put it away. And besides, dude, if you'd seen what I'd just seen, you'd be in worse condition."

The old bagman grunted and sidled along, the wheel of his old pull trolley whacking him in the back.

When he looked up again, she was nowhere to be seen. Looking around, he saw her slide her hand into Luka's pocket as he leaned down and kissed her hair. He rolled his eyes at the seemingly picturesque view of the good doctor playing Doctor's and Nurses with his nurse.

"Fucking whore," he mumbled as he watched them walk towards the building across the street.

They were headed for the parking area.

Grunting as he stood up from his crouched position in the alleyway, he stretched his back, hearing it crack and followed them on the opposite side of the street.

They'd never know he was there.

--

The blood began to pound around his body as he pressed her further back into the shining black metal of his driver's side door. Her muttered sighs and curses were driving him wild. His tongue battled hers, one hand fumbling with the hem of her scrub top as she pulled at his shirt with one hand, un-tucking it and sliding her hand around his waistband as her other hand delved deep into his trouser pocket, deliberately skirting the one place he wanted her touch, in search of his car keys. He felt her slide her petite leg between both of his, plunging her hips forward, angling her lower body into him. He felt her slide her other leg around his, trapping it between both of hers.

He could feel her heat through both of their layers of clothing.

Groaning, her pulled his lips away and slid his hand to covers her in his pocket and still her hand, pressing it flat against his upper thigh. Her breath was moist, hot and erratic on his neck as he leaned down bit onto her earlobe – the way she loved. Instantly, her neck rolled to the side, and her hand in his pocket flexed, sending colours of arousal through his head and a fresh wave of painful arousal to his already throbbing centre.

She was driving him crazy.

She'd been teasing him all day, ever since he set foot into the ER and her innocent 'Doctor Kovac' had been the cherry on the cake. He hadn't been able to handle it any longer. And now, he _knew_ he couldn't take much more or he would have to take her right there and then against the door of his car – but then, it wouldn't be the first time…

He bit down onto her shoulder and buried his groan there; sucking on her skin, knowing full well that he was brandishing her. He felt her do the same. Grinning, he darted his tongue across her neck bones, her collarbones and freed her hand, allowing her to pull the keys out of his pocket.

They both knew they would never make it to one of their apartments.

He heard the 'bleep-bleep' of his alarm disengaging and he yanked open the door with his hand, manoeuvred them around it, sliding his hand further up her body, his hand encompassing her entire breast. God, he loved the way she felt. It had been so long since they'd made love (if that's what this was called…) anywhere else but their apartments (not necessarily in their_beds_ but in their apartments, he thought as images of their heated tour of her new apartment that ended with him pushing her into the shower she was showing him and showing her just how much he liked it flashed through his head).

Groaning, he felt her slide further back on the back seat of his truck. Rolling his eyes at the irony and utter cliché-ness of their current tryst, he slowly pulled his hands from her body, delicately tracing her inner thighs and then climbed in, turning only to pull the door shut.

It didn't matter that his six foot four frame was more than a little squashed when her hands delved instantly to his zipper. He looked down at her and saw her eyelashes flutter as he breathed onto her face. Her swollen lips were pursed in concentration as she fiddled with his belt buckle in the cramped conditions. Her fumbling fingers touched him once, twice, three times and he could take no more.

Diving, almost literally, for her mouth, he crushed her lips beneath his and bit onto her bottom lip and she ran her tongue across his upper lip, sending rushes through his head, through his groin.

He sat up slightly and yanked both of her tops over her head at once, her long sleeved one catching on her watch but he just left it hanging there as he kneeled between her knees and traced her nipples through her bras with his tongue and fingers. He felt her back arch against his touch and he moaned loudly against her as she bent her knee further into his core, almost bringing him to the edge.

He couldn't lose it now. Not after this build up.

Panting and shaking, he jerkily inched his right hand down her torso, to her tie as she fumbled with his tie and held his head in place over her breast. He liked depending on this touch. He needed to depend on it. He needed her. He _wanted_ her. Tracing his thumb over her inner thigh, he moved higher and she screeched, loudly and he laughed lightly against her chest, causing her to moan his name over and over as her hips began to rock of their own accord.

They were both more than ready for this. Way more than ready.

But it was then that an irritable chirping came from his pocket. Or her pocket. Or the front seat of the car. He didn't know. But he couldn't ignore it. He felt Sam become irritated by it also. He leaned up to her head, kissing her, covering her ears with his hands as she did the same to him, bringing her toes up (her knees hitting off the back of the front seats as she did so) to finish off the work her hands had started earlier.

As she inched his trousers and boxers down as once, he uncovered one of her ears and slid his hand to her waistband and pulled the knot of her trousers out and pushed them down with his hand.

The chirping stopped.

And then started again. Try as he might, he couldn't ignore it. Groaning loudly, he pulled away from her and reached to the dashboard at the front where he had obviously left his cell phone and yanked it to his ear.

"Hello?" He barked and glanced back to Sam as she reached her hand up and traced her thumb over his cheekbone. He leaned into it momentarily until he heard the voice on the other end. "Mirjana? Sta je to?"

Sam felt him straighten up and his shoulders instantly stiffened as his native language flowed over his tongue. He didn't say anything after that apart from the few murmurs of, guessing from his nodding, agreement.

Sam dropped her hand to his shoulder and squeezed gently, encouraging him to look at her. He did when he hung up and Sam shuddered at the misty, distant look in his eyes.

"Luka?"

He didn't answer.

"Luka, what's happened? What's wrong?"

He looked at her then, his eyes clear, the clarity piercing though her. She sat up, withdrew her legs from around him, and replaced them with her arms as she pulled his now shaking body to hers.

She heard him let out an airy laugh as her T-shirt floated against his shoulder as it hung from her wrist and she murmured a laughter herself. But then he looked at her, his eyes cloudy with tears that he refused to let fall and she felt every last ounce of arousal leave her body.

"Luka… talk to me."

"It's my mother. She's dying."

Sam didn't know what to say.

**TBC**


	13. Part 11

_"Where are you going to go, Luka?"_

_He looked across the table to his mother, her grey hair pinned back behind her head in a tight bun that, on schoolteachers, looked strict but on the rotund form of his mother, looked simply homely. Her dark blue eyes bore into his like lasers across the stretch of wooden table that separated mother and son and he looked away from her, shrugging._

_"I don't know."_

_Silence enveloped them again and he tuned his ears to the music coming from the small wireless radio on the kitchen window, the plastic casing reflecting the sun's rays into the stifling back kitchen._

_"Running away won't solve your problems, son," she said after a while and he looked up at her, a wry smirk on his face, his eyes empty._

_"I'm not running away, I'm moving on."_

_"It's running away Luka."_

_He watched her as she stood up, gripping onto the table as she did so. He knew that her arthritic joints caused her trouble when she sat for too long and it had taken him almost two hours to explain to her why he was leaving, what he was going to do when he found somewhere to settle down and seeing her struggle to stand, he almost regretted it._

_"Majka, let me help you," he muttered as he stood quickly and rushed to her side but she flapped him away, her tubby fingers contacting his sweaty neck._

_"I will be fine, Luka." She struggled up and then hobbled over to the sink and stood before it, leaning against the worktop, her fingers digging into the wood. "When your father died…"_

_"Majka…" He interrupted but she spun around quicker than he thought possible and raised her hand to him._

_"Let me finish, Luka." He nodded and leaned back against the mahogany centre table, his long legs stretching out before him, his toes catching a few rays from the sun. "When your tata died, I wanted to leave. Well, in all honesty, I wanted to die too. He didn't deserve to die like that Luka and the thought of living without him was… overwhelming. All I wanted to do was lie in bed all day, or get up and drive out of here – to anywhere. I'd have crossed the borders, Luka. But I didn't. Because of you, Luka. You and your brother made me get up out of bed and see that the world hadn't ended. Now I'm just trying to return the favour."_

_He was silenced for a few moments. Danijela, Marko and Jasna… images flashed across his mind, their broken bodies before him, his broken dreams vanishing in the midday Sun. He felt, for the first time in three months, tears sting the back of his eyes and he blinked furiously, trying to rid them from him but he failed._

_"I'm not as strong as you, majka…"_

_He felt her arms around his lowered body and he dropped his head into the crook of her neck, whiffing in that scent that she always eluded but he had never been able to place. It was a comfort but nothing – apart from the return of his family – could fully comfort him now. He was broken, tarnished, empty._

_He was lost._

_"I don't think I can stay here, majka…" he murmured to her as she gently rocked their bodies. "I see them everywhere I turn. Every family I see… reminds me of what I've lost."_

_"No matter where you go, Luka, there will be a family that will remind you of them. You can't escape it, no matter how far you run."_

_He took in a deep breath and stood up straight, startling his mother slightly but she recovered quickly._

_"When does your flight leave?" She asked as she observed him moving around the table in the kitchen to pick up his duffle bag that he had brought with him when he arrived._

_"Whenever I get to the airport," he replied, not looking up at her._

_"You will call me when you get to wherever you are going?"_

_He looked up at her again, his eyes red rimmed and heavy, his long, greasy hair falling in front of his eyes, masking them from her view._

_"Of course, majka," he whispered and moved towards her slowly._

_He leaned down and kissed her cheek lingeringly and then pulled back, smiled slightly and turned and left._

_She watched as he trailed down the long path trodden into the grass towards the gate and his friend's car just beyond._

_"Was that Luka?"_

_She turned and saw her niece, Mirjana, walk into the kitchen from the long hall leading to the front door. She nodded, blinking away the tears in her eyes._

_He'd experienced something that she would never wish on anyone, not even her worst enemy._

_"Where is he going?"_

_She sniffed slightly and rubbed at her eyes._

_"He's leaving Croatia."_

_Mirjana said nothing but stepped closer to her aunt and wrapped her amrs around her as she watched her broken cousin drive off to nowhere._

**TBC**


	14. Part 12

"Have a good lunch?" Frank asked as Sam and Luka wandered quietly back into the ER.

Luka had not spoken much since his initial sentence and Sam could not help the intense worry that graduated through her. His eyes had become clouded and distant as he sat next to her, slowly rearranging his clothing as she did the same, her worried eyes very rarely leaving him.

"Shut up, Frank," Sam shot and glared him down as he raised his eyebrow at her.

"You two have been popular since you took your break," he continued and Sam looked up at him again as she slowly raised her hand to her neck and began rubbing, imagining that she was rubbing her aching knee. "There was a guy looking for you, Sam."

She waited for more of an explanation but when she received none, she raised her hand in front of her face and motioned for him to continue. She could see Luka glancing up and down the corridor as though he did not know where he was. When he turned his head away from her, her eyes automatically widened as she saw the red mark at the base of his neck. She reached out and grabbed onto his hand, causing him to turn back to her with a frown on his face. She simply shook her head and smiled tightly.

"Big guy… uh… well, I don't think 'big' covers it: absolutely huge. Would take you out with one punch, Kovac." Luka smiled sarcastically and turned his head back down the corridor. "It took me about half an hour to figure that out what he said but he told me to tell you that he'd see you tonight,." he finished and pointed to Sam with his pen.

Luka looked at her out of the corner of his eye and saw her cock her head to the side and frown. He had meant to ask her about the interaction with the surgical medical student that had taken over his trauma earlier that day but had become somewhat… distracted. And now, he realised that maybe he should have asked her; after Frank's description, he knew exactly who it was that had been looking for Sam.

He let go of Sam's hand, reached up to his hairline, and wiped at the fine film of sweat that had appeared there. He felt drained, suddenly. Drained and tired.

It had been so long since he had heard Mirjana's voice – almost fifteen years – and it had sent chills down his spine hearing it, knowing that something must have been wrong.

_"It's your mother, Luka, she's dying."_

Very few scarier words had been uttered to him. Sighing heavily he shook his head and turned back to Sam who had now stepped up to admit and was conferring quietly with Frank.

"Luka?" Her voice sounded as though it wasn't the first time he had said her name and he looked at her with his eyebrow raised. He hated seeing her looking at him like that: with pity filling her features. "Frank just said someone was here looking for you," she repeated and he looked to Frank.

"Tall, dark hair, Croatian…"

"Mirjana…" he muttered and looked to Sam who was now looking at him in the manner that he had been looking at her when Frank had told them about Beckett looking for her.

"She's staying at the Hilton, said she was going to try and ring your cell phone," Frank told him, his voice carrying none of its' usual cynicism.

"Yeah, I spoke to her," he mumbled quietly and dropped his head slightly so he wouldn't see the look Sam was sending him.

He pivoted on his heel and walked towards the lounge, hearing Sam following him. He pushed the door open and let it spring back, almost hitting Sam in the face.

"Luka, are you okay?" He heard her ask as he moved towards his locker.

He didn't answer her as he spun the dial to the correct code and then flung open his locker door, resting his cell phone on the shelf at the top, glancing fleetingly at the few pictures he had taped on the inside of the door: he and Carter; he and Sam; his mother; Dani and the kids.

"Luka?" She said, more forcefully this time and grabbed onto his elbow to pull him around, but he remained rooted to the spot, his head disappearing into the metal cabinet.

"I'm fine," he almost spat, his voice echoing off the hard metal.

"You're not acting fine," she insisted and held onto his arm, her grip loosening around it. "Luka… please."

He turned to her then and stared at her, biting his lip, looking at her feet. He blinked, slowly, and looked up at her face.

"I'm fine," he lied and brushed past her, leaving her standing, looking into his open locker.


	15. Part 13

Abby watched as Luka slowly and carefully placed the white sheet over the corpse of the old woman on the gurney. He looked stricken, pained and she wondered why this seemingly routine old-age death had affected him like it had. He leaned heavily onto the metal edge of the bed and she heard his sigh from the other end of the room. She looked up from scribbling frantically in her notebook – she had not been able to answer quite a substantial amount of questions that the new med students were throwing at her and so she had decided to scribble down notes on the things that she herself was not too sure of.

"Are you all right, Luka?" She asked and placed the notebook down onto a portable table and placed the pen on top, moving slowly towards him.

He turned his eyes to her and watched her for a few seconds his eyes soft as his eyes locked with hers: she felt the instant stirrings in her stomach at their eyes' connection: she was still in love with him, and she was hurting.

Slowly he nodded as he blinked and looked away.

"Yeah," he replied breathily and looked back up to her, moistening his lips. "It's just…" he waved his hand in front of his face and shook his head. "It's nothing."

She moved towards him and felt her hand shake as she reached out to touch his arm. She saw him jerk his head upwards at the contact and after a few moments, he smiled and covered her hand fleetingly with his.

"You can talk to me, Luka."

He shook his head.

"I don't deserve you as my friend, Abby," he murmured and looked up at her, his eyes filled with such anguish that Abby wanted to pick him up and place him in a cotton wool ball to protect him from the world: it was ridiculous but it was also true. She could not bear to stand aside and let him wallow on his own self-pity.

"Don't be ridiculous, Luka. Just because you cheated on me with my best friend doesn't mean I'm going to break your legs and never speak to you again," she smiled and patted his arm.

He laughed lightly in the back of his throat and ducked his head down onto his chest, looking up at her from under his lashes.

"No, you'd just get Carter to break them for you," he smirked and cocked his head to the side as he looked at her. His eyes drifted over her face and Abby felt as though he was trying to rememorize her features. Shuffling under his intense gaze, she looked away from his oceanic eyes and stared at the sterile tile wall. "I miss this."

Abby snapped her head back to his and stared hard at him.

"Miss what?"

She saw his eyes dart away from her face as she saw him mentally shut down, regretting his words. Eventually he looked back at her, a sheepish smile on his face that did not quite reach his empty eyes.

"This," he gestured with his middle and index finger between them and then stopped, tucking his fingers into his armpits as he hugged his chest. "Just talking to you."

Abby smiled and nodded self-consciously, her eyes flitting from one object to the other and shrugged. This was unusual.

"We've just been busy I guess," she reasoned and pursed her lips, shrugging slightly.

"I should never be too busy for you," he retorted and raised his eyebrow as he began fiddling with forceps on the surgical tray.

An uncomfortable silence fell between them as they both avoided each other's gaze after his revelation.

They should not be like this. They had been friends for a lot longer than they had been lovers'. It should not be this awkward just to talk to him: just to ask him out to dinner.

"We could…" She trailed off, uncertain how to continue. "Go out for a pizza at the weekend…"

"That's not possible, right now," she heard him reply and instantly a hollow feeling emerged in her stomach.

It was embarrassment. She hadn't expected him to say no: or at least, she hadn't wanted him to say no.

"Oh… that's… that's fine… some other time, then," she fumbled and saw his feet move into her field of vision as she stared at the floor.

"I don't… I'm leaving for Croatia tonight." She looked up when he paused and caught his eye as he reached his hands out to grab onto her elbows. "And I don't know when I'll be back."

Holy shit.


	16. Part 14

"I spoke to Sam," Jocelyn announced as Samuel Taggert wandered into the sunset saturated kitchen.

Orange and gold and yellow glinted off ever reflective surface, shards of light splitting the kitchen into fluorescent lights. The thin, wispy clouds on the horizon were tinted pink around the edges, the late evening orb burning through the thin layer, sunlight splicing out in a starburst of rays across the red sky, receding into the murky depths of violet and midnight. Jocelyn knew from experience that the pre-midsummer sun would disappear within the next twenty minutes and that the sky would transcend through a rainbow of orange, pink, violet and indigo – never quite reaching the black stage, even at midnight. Stars would begin to pierce the saffron sky, twinkling in the late night, having chased away the beauty of the daylight.

"How is she?"

Snapping her attention away from the view outside of her patio doors, she stared blankly at Samuel for a moment, meeting his cool blue eyes for a mere second before he broke the contact and continued towards the coffee maker.

"She was at work, on her break. She seemed fine, a little distracted though. Did you know that she had moved out of Luka's apartment?"

She watched as he carefully tipped a bag of coffee into the filter and the hazelnut drifted over to her, catching in her nostrils and she smiled deeply.

It was her favourite.

There was a 'thunk' as Samuel pushed the filter back in and pressed the red button to begin the process of coffee brewing.

"No," he answered as he turned towards her, leaning against the edge of the countertop and folding his tanned arms over his chest lazily. "When?"

Jocelyn shrugged raised her eyebrow.

"I don't know. A while ago I'm guessing."

"Has she and Luka split up?" He asked as pushed off the countertop and moved his five foot nine inch frame towards the dining room table that Jocelyn was sitting at with her i Home & Garden /i magazine.

She shook her head and reached her hand up to Samuel's as he rested his atop her shoulder.

"No, they're fine."

She let out a low grown of appreciation as Samuel began to massage her neck and shoulders. Concentrating on the sound of percolating water and the feel of Samuel's fingers winding out all of her kinks, Jocelyn was lulled into a state of relaxation.

What could have been five minutes or five hours later, Jocelyn heard an unfamiliar combination of 'drip, plop, plop, drip'. Reluctantly opening her eyes, she glanced at the coffee maker and instantly shot up, throwing Samuel back in surprise.

"Samuel!" She screeched, grabbing towels as she dashed for the floor around the coffee machine. "You forgot to put the mug in!"

--

"You didn't even tell me you were leaving!" She screeched into the receiver as she stood in her steamed up bathroom, the water from the shower splashing around her ankles. She could see her mottled reflection in the steamy mirror and she frowned at her mascara-scarred eyes before plopping angrily onto the toilet seat.

"I'm telling you now," he replied shortly, coldly and Sam made a shrieking noise in the back of her throat.

"What, when you're half way across the world? Gee, thanks for the warning, Luka."

"I could just as easily have called you from Croatia."

"You could just as easily have called me from Chicago!"

"I didn't have time." Monotonous. Icy.

Sam tightened her jaw and raised her eyebrow.

"You have to check in two hours before your flight leaves, Luka. You had at i least /i two hours to call me while you were still in Chicago. Not to mention the _whole_ afternoon before that!"

She reached up and pushed her hand into her hair, gripping it tightly. His calm breathing on the other end of the line was driving her crazy.

She hated his stubbornness.

"I'm not going to fight with you about this."

"No, Luka, you never do," she muttered and shook her head in frustration.

"What is that supposed to mean?" He asked indignantly, and Sam could imagine the frown pulling his features.

"I'm not going to get into it," she replied in the manner he had before.

"No, Sam. I'm sick of this. You are always doing this and this time I'm not in the mood to listen to it."

"Wha-"

"I'll call you later; if I have a chance."

She wanted to reply but the dial tone was the only reply she would receive.

Snapping her phone closed, she could feel the tension building in her muscles as the insatiable urge to throw something gripped her.

She drew back her arm and volleyed her cell phone through the air, her scream of "Fuck!" doing nothing to cover the noise of her phone shattering on the tile floor.

"Fucking… fuck," she muttered under her breath and took a deep, shaky breath as she eyed the splintered pieces of metal and plastic being splashed with water from her still cascading shower.

Stomping over to the phone, her heel hit a soapy puddle of water and she lost her footing, tipped backwards jarring her back and cracking her head off the porcelain toilet seat.

Sam's last thought before the dark of unconscious took over her was:

"So much for non-slip tiles."

TBC


	17. Part 15

"Hey pal, what's up with you? You look fine to me?"

Turning towards the voice of the scruffy old man sitting next to him, Steve glared at the rumpled state of him. His upper was reddish brown with dried in blood, his nose at an odd angle. His jacket was spattered with the same reddish brown of his face, torn in places and his jeans were mucky at the knee, from where he must have fallen into a ditch when he had been hit. His spirally hair was sticking up at odd angles, his green eyes red and bloodshot.

Grunting, Steve tilted his head in the direction of admit.

"I'm a friend of one of the nurses."

The man next to him snorted and shook his head.

"She your bird?"

Steve smiled slightly, sadistically and nodded his head as his eyes found the petite form of Sam Taggert bobbing through the throes of white lab coats at the desk.

"Something like that."

--

"How's Luka?"

Sam raised her eyes and Abby pursed her lips at the cold stare she received from Sam's normally warm eyes.

"He's in Croatia."

Abby glanced down to the chart in front of her uncomfortably and cleared her throat before glancing back up, tapping her pen against the edge of the metal. She had just started and she knew that Sam was at the end of her shift, being held back by one of Pratt's patient's.

"I know, he told me."

"He did, did he?" Sam bit and Abby frowned, confused.

"Yeah, yesterday, before he left."

Sam snapped her head and scoffed, her eyes fiery, her mouth opening and closing as she fought against the onslaught of curses that flooded into brain. Instead, she bit onto her bottom lip and thrust her tongue into her cheek as she jerked her head away from Abby's stare.

"Well, can you tell him next time he calls you to call me?" Sam snapped and slammed her chart onto the worktop, walking towards the nurses' station.

Abby stood, frozen for a moment before raising her eyebrows and secretly feeling pleased that Luka had confided in her when he hadn't with Sam.

- -

Sam leaned heavily against the edge of the nurses' station and tried unsuccessfully to control her breathing.

_How dare he._

Sam realised how Abby must have felt for months when Sam and Luka had been conducting their affair. She trusted Luka impeccably but when she thought about it, so had Abby.

Sighing, she tossed her hair over her shoulder and drew in a deep breath before grabbing her coat and walking out of the ER leaving instructions for Haleh about Pratt's patient. Needing comfort, she knew where she was going as she stalked to her car and kick-started the engine, and gunned out of the car park.

She didn't notice the familiar hooded character standing just out of the edge of the ambulance bay.

**TBC**


	18. Part 16

Sam, steaming over Luka's actions of the past few days, wasn't aware of the world around her. Walking in circles around the front door of her new apartment block thoughts flew across her mind, too quick for her to grab onto - except, absurdly, one:

_Was someone feeding his fish?_

Her armpits were moist with sweat, her hair beginning to stick to the nape of her neck in loose, sweaty curls: So much for the poker straight hair she spent hours on that morning. She could feel the sweat of her upper lip, greasing her nose and droplets standing to attention at the base of her hairline.

Goddamit but it was warm.

Why she didn't just climb the steps up to her apartment, she didn't know. Perhaps because of the memories that had seeped back into her mind as she opened her eyes and realised that she was not alone in her apartment. As she realised that she was not in her own bed. As she realised that there was a heavy weight pressing down onto the bottom of her legs.

Her head had pounded when she opened her eyes and was met with the stabbing pain of a millions shards of lighting piercing her eyes: the pounding of her head reminding her of the slip she'd had in the bathroom: the long cotton trousers and over sized t-shirt that she had yet to return to Luka's middle drawer reassuring her that she had not participated in any sort of improper behaviour.

But then she heard a voice that sent slivers of ice down her back, causing her heart rate to double. Her fingers froze and she didn't know whether to stay or flee.

"I didn't think you were going to wake up, thought I was going to have to run you to the ER," the thickly accented voice joked and Sam instantly melted, remembering that he was her friend and not her enemy.

"Hey…" She half grinned, half whined and subconsciously pulled her arms about her waist.

Snapping back to the present, she rolled her eyes back until she was sure they would pop out. _Nothing_ justified her allowing him to spend the night, whether innocently or not. What if word seeped out into the ER? It wouldn't take long before Luka found out, and she already knew the source, if that were to be the case.

Berating herself for allowing herself to think such demeaning thoughts about one of her closest friends, she swallowed her pride and began walking up the steps to her apartment.

--

"Carter, wait up!"

Carter stopped as he heard the familiar voice call to him as he slung his backpack over his shoulder as he exited the ER through the ambulance bay. Turning, he saw Abby dodge past a few meandering patients and make her way over to him. He smiled as she reached him and motioned his head towards the receding light from what had been a sweltering, beautiful day.

Walking through the double doors, he breathed in the heavy, humid air. Above him, clouds were beginning to gather on the horizon, dark, grey and ominous. He knew from experience that a storm would be brewing in the deep cauldron of the sky and he silently thanked whoever was listening for the release that would come with each heart-trembling rumble later on in the night.

Turning back to Abby from the breath taking view, he shuffled his feet and couldn't ignore the uncomfortable, awkward tension between them both. Ever since their little i tête-à-tête /i things between them had been strained, awkward uncomfortable and the friendly chemistry that existed between them had been banished for good. In a way, he regretted his actions, regretted knowing that they would never have worked. But, at the same time, he also knew that it was for the best, instead of them both living in limbo around one another, forever wondering of what-could-be. Now they knew.

She cleared her throat and looked briefly into his eyes before concentrating on his neck.

"Have you spoken to Sam since Luka left yesterday?"

John felt his back automatically stiffen and he straightened up, anger beginning to bubble in his veins, instantly drawing his hands into a fist. He had been surprised when Luka had told him he was leaving but when he had found Sam unconscious on the floor of her bathroom, her shattered cell phone lying next to her, he had been angry and when she told him how she had come to be unconscious on the floor, he had been fuming with Luka.

He scratched the back of his neck. He knew how inappropriate it would seem if he told Abby that he had spent the night with a blubbering, confused Sam. He knew how uncomfortable it would make the already uncomfortably lieu that they were all already in.

"Uh… I spoke to her for a while last night, why?"

It wasn't strictly a lie, was it?

"How did she seem to you?"

_How do you think she seemed?_

"She's… upset to say the least. He called her last night and told her, when he was already in London. She wasn't happy."

He saw Abby nod and raise a finger to her lips, worrying her nail with her teeth.

He could feel moisture in the air and turned his head skywards for an instant before glancing back to Abby. A strand of light had broken through the gathering clouds and cast a gold haze across her features. The light brightened her eyes, the flecks of gold in her deep, dark eyes glimmered, her blonde hair shining, the wispy, float-away's from her ponytail reflecting the light, creating an angelic look about her and he breathed deeply, remembering how beautiful she was. And then it was gone, the evanescent glimmer swallowed up by the clouds and she was restored back to the way she always was, although more tired and worn looking than ever.

"She snapped at me today, because Luka told me he was leaving."

John nodded and looked away, the uncomfortable silence that followed showing just how far apart they had grown.

"Anyway…" she began and smiled slightly, shaking her head. "I had better get back." She pointed back to the cluttered admit desk and John nodded, ushering her back in with his hand.

He walked to his car and drove to the 'T' junction at the end of the parking lot, flipped on the indicator for turning left and, in a flash, flipped it to right and drove to the place that he was slowly beginning to wish was home.

TBC


	19. Part 17

Sam was lying half-asleep on the sofa when the sound of the telephone ringing in its cradle roused her from her slumber. Groaning, she rolled over, buried her head into the back cushions, and sniffed in a breath of stale air. The summer heat had sweltered her and drained her of all of her energy and she really could not be doing with any visitors at that precise moment in time. The sun had been blazing into her apartment all afternoon but now the shards were broken by the dark grey clouds outside and her ears picked up the faint sound of rain hitting off her windows. At last, her mind spoke to her, maybe now the humidity would lift and they would be able to enjoy the heat as opposed to loathing it.

Chicago was a city that could never please its inhabitants. Winters were unbelievably cold and the occupants wished for warmth but, by spring, the inhabitants were wishing for something more cool, to ease the humidity and heaviness of the days. She wanted to get up and hang her head out of a window to let the summer shower hit onto her face but she knew that she was simply too lazy to move.

The phone rang again. Groaning, she rolled onto her back and sat straight up.

"I'm coming!" She yelled as she slowly rolled onto the cream coloured rug around the base of her sofa, knowing that the person on the other end was unable to hear her but feeling obligated to shout out the phrase none the less.

Standing and stretching – she was going to take her time to answer it, just to show whoever it was that she was not happy they were interrupting her sleep – she began walking towards the handset and slowly picked it up.

"Hello," she said nonchalantly not really paying attention to the conversation that was about to take place.

"Hey…" the voice was quiet, distant and the reception was interrupted by what sounded like the waves of the sea.

She was silent. She was still furious with him, for the way he had treated her before he left and on the telephone as he told her he was leaving. Her mind raced with the multitude of things that she wanted to yell at him, accuse him of but she wouldn't do that. She couldn't do that.

A slight shiver ran down her spine as the sensation of being watched took over her once again and she spun around towards the large bay window that afforded her a great view of the abandoned block of flats across the walk way from her. This was a feeling that had become frequent and she did not like it one bit. Even when Luka had been with her, staying over and – if she were truthful – even when she had still been living with him, she had gotten this feeling of a set of eyes preying on her back.

Part of her thought it was Steve but the other, more rational part of her brain, put it down to paranoia.

"Sam? Are you there?"

She snapped back around as though he were in the room with her and smiled slightly at hearing his voice. She hated what he did to her even when she was angry with him she was always smiling.

"Yeah, sorry."

There was a tense silence on the line and Sam shifted uncomfortably under the building tension. She didn't know what to say. She shuffled her feet slightly and then sat down on her sofa at the very edge, ready to stand back up when his voice broke the silence – which she knew it would: he always broke the silence first.

"Listen, Sam… about before… I'm sorry."

She nodded as she shot up again and paced around to the back of the sofa, leaning against it so she could look out her window. She could have sworn that she saw a flash of shadow at one of the windows but shook her head.

"Bloody squatters…" she muttered almost silently.

"What?" He asked, and she could hear the confusion in his voice.

"Nothing… just the squatters in the building across from me." She fiddled with a loose thread on her sofa and twitched her jaw from side to side. She pursed her lips and then let them loose with a loud "pop". "How is your mother?"

It was the only rational thing she could ask.

There was a delay before his answer and Sam didn't know if it was due to a lapse in time from the message being relayed or from his indecision.

"She's not good. I've spoken to her doctor's and they don't think she has long to go."

She couldn't think what to say. Frowning, she looked down to her toes, which had curled at the news. He didn't deserve to lose anything else. Especially not this year. She didn't know how he was able to cope with everything that life threw at him and still be the person that he was. The person who – despite being insanely angry with him – she loved more than anything or anyone in her entire life.

"Luka… I don't know what to say. 'Sorry' doesn't seem ready to cover it. I just… what do you want me to say?"

There was a low chuckle on the other end of the line and Sam was in wonder and how he could find something to chuckle about under the circumstances.

"I just… how's Chicago?" He asked and she could imagine him sitting down on an overstuffed sofa, running a hand through his hair, letting out a deep breath of warm air.

She chuckled a bit herself, feeling tension lifting from her shoulders. She hadn't laughed in a long time, especially not with Luka. She couldn't believe it had only been three days since he left. It felt like much longer. In fact, she couldn't believe it had been three days and already she'd had another guy staying over.

"Well, it looks like there's a storm brewing." She leaned back slightly and looked out the window to the sky, seeing the dark grey clouds, hearing the rain pound harder onto the windows.

"I remember our first storm," he said seductively and Sam grinned despite herself. "About two months ago…" his gravely voice trailed off as he breathed deeply down the phone line and Sam did the same. "And we had to get all cosy under the blankets."

Sam scoffed and leaned her head back, tugging her fringe out of her way with her hand.

"We did not _have_ to snuggle. You insisted that I was scared and attempted to seduce me."

"Oh, so that's your version. The way I remember it was more along the lines of you being terrified of the lightning, the darkness after the power went down and then insisting that _I _go and get candles to light around the room. And then I remember it being a little more… romantic after that as we… got cosy under the covers!"

She could tell that he was trying to not to laugh, the mirth shining through in his voice and Sam was momentarily caught up in it. But then she remembered that she was mad at him, that he was halfway around the world and that if this conversation continued she would not be able to just drive around to his apartment and… but instead have to find other ways of…

She really had to get her head out of the gutter.

"Luka, stop it," her words were forceful and she heard his automatic sigh of resignation. "I'm still mad at you for leaving like you did."

"I apologised for that," his own tone was sharp and clipped and Sam could feel her hackles rising.

"A simple 'I'm sorry' isn't about to cut it this time Luka. Am I the first person you've called, or did you call Abby before you called me? It seems to be a habit you have lately."

She hadn't meant to be so forthright with her feelings – she never was: too afraid that she would scare him off.

"That's not fair," he protested and Sam felt her eyebrow raise automatically and her breath release from her body in an angry 'Oh'.

"Really? And you think it's _fair _for you to leave the country and not tell me until you are in London and, even then, be abrupt and curt with me when you find the time to tell your _ex_ girlfriend before you left when you couldn't find the time to tell me?" She knew she was shouting, could imagine him holding the phone away from his ear.

"So now you want to talk about your feelings? Now you want to share something with me?"

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?" Sam asked, although she really knew what he meant.

"You know exactly what I mean Sam. You never let me in, you never let me know how you are feeling. I'm sick of having to guess where I stand with you. At least with Abby I knew we wanted to be together."

Instantly, he realised his mistake.

"Fine. Be with her then!"

And she hung up the phone and tossed it across the room, watching it land with a crash at the other side of the room.

The front door creaked open but Sam didn't realise.

"Is this a bad time?"

Sam froze and looked up, a scowl on her face at the intrusion but when she saw who it was her frown disappeared and was replaced with a look of confusion.

"What are you doing here?"

**TBC**


	20. Part 18

Jocelyn Taggert trudged up the steps to the third floor of the apartment block having waited ten minutes for the elevator to arrive with no success. Her suitcase was overly heavy – you could never tell what the weather would be like in Chicago and she had come well prepared. Sweat prickled on her hairline and she could imagine the shine on her face and squinted against the mental image.

It may have been her imagination but she had been sure that she could feel a pair of eyes peering at her as she had exited the taxicab and a shrill shiver ran up her spine and she shuddered. She had shrugged it off when she saw a cat leap off one of the windowsills from above her and pulled her suitcase behind her.

The apartment block hallway was well kept, tidy, neat and appropriate. The walls were a deep red, the floor wooden and large colourful paintings hung from the walls as she walked down the spacious hallway. The place looked good, and she could find nothing to condone it for; except, perhaps, that it was not Luka's hallway. There was a smell in it that was unrecognised to her inept senses but she dismissed it.

As she reached the door, she heard voices within the slightly ajar door. She thought she had raised her daughter better than that. Knocking on the doorjamb lightly, she pushed the doorjamb open and stepped into the apartment, pulling her wheeled luggage with her. The apartment was spacious also, the walls and carpet neutral, the sofa covered in a thick red blanket similar to the colour in the corridor. There was still the smell of newness in it and Jocelyn scrunched her nose at the slightly stale underlining. Sam Taggert needed to open a few windows – but then, perhaps that had best be left until the storm passed.

Shaking water droplets from her hair, she called out her daughters' name.

"Sam! Sam, honey, where are you?"

Sam appeared quickly from behind a wall and Jocelyn smiled at her. The red top she was wearing was twisted to the side slightly, her hair tossed up in a messy bun.

"Mom!"

Sam ran across the wooden floor and practically jumped onto her mother, almost strangling her in the type vice grip she had around her neck.

"Good to see you, sweetie," Jocelyn said and pulled back from her daughter, holding her at arms length.

Close up, she could see that Sam had been crying – or near to it – and that there was remnants of anger in her dark brown eyes.

"Sam, what-"

"Hey there Mrs Taggert," a voice said from behind Sam and Jocelyn frowned at Sam and leaned to the side to see past Sam's shoulder.

"Doctor Carter." Her voice had been more crisp than she had intended and she saw Sam raise her eyebrow at her.

"Please, call me Carter. Coffee?" He smiled and Jocelyn instantly melted. She didn't know if it was possible to be mad at him when he turned on his boyish grin.

Jocelyn nodded and moved past Sam, towards the sofa.

"That would be great," she exaggerated a sigh as she flopped onto one of the large cushions and she automatically reached out to the blanket to fold it up. "Looks like quite the storms coming in, got here just in time."

Sam nodded and looked to Carter and Jocelyn caught the edge of a frown.

"Yeah. Shouldn't be long until it gets here… Speaking of getting here… I didn't know you were coming."

Carter left the lounge room and Jocelyn heard him banging about in the kitchen. He seemed to know his way around Sam's new apartment pretty well, Jocelyn thought and frowned to the ground.

"I told you last time I called that I was planning on coming to see you."

"Yes," Sam sighed and stood in front of the coffee table, looking out of the window frowning. "Yeah, you just never told me you would be here so soon. A little warning would have been nice; I don't have the spare room set up yet."

Jocelyn smiled tightly and shook her head.

"That's all right, we'll set it up later on tonight after Carter leaves. That is, if he is leaving." She couldn't help it. It just slipped out.

"Mother!" Sam hissed and snapped her head towards her. "What the… I actually have no idea what to say to that."

There was a tense silence between them and Jocelyn pursed her lips before raising her eyes to meet Sam's.

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said that."

"Yeah, you're right."

At that moment, Carter came back into the room with two steaming cups and placed one in front of Jocelyn and handed the other to Sam before moving back to the kitchen only to appear moments later with a third cup.

"So…" Jocelyn spoke after a few seconds of silence, after a sip of strong coffee that had no sugar in it. "Where's Luka?"

At that, Sam let out a deep breath, pulled her bottom lip into her mouth, and made a strange clucking sound.

"He's in Croatia," Carter answered and Jocelyn frowned. "His mother is sick," he finished by way of explanation and Jocelyn nodded.

"Goodness, what's wrong with her? Nothing serious, I hope."

She never knew how to react when it came to hearing of other peoples' misfortune.

"As I was telling John before you came in," Sam began and Jocelyn processed Sam's use of 'John': she couldn't help it. Her radar was constantly on. "His mother has end stage emphysema, the doctors don't think she has long to go." Had Sam lost weight? "You know, it's ridiculous." Jocelyn thought she had. "I don't even know his mother's fucking name. It's like 'his mother', 'his cousin' – and he's the one who complains that _I_ don't talk. I'm sick of it. I'm sick of him blaming everything on me!"

_Whoa!_ Jocelyn's mind supplied. Information overload. What the hell was going on?

"What's going on?" Jocelyn asked confused as she sat her coffee cup down on the tabletop just as the first crack of lightning pierced the sky.

Glancing out of the window, Jocelyn could see the sky still alight and she saw Sam stiffen. Her daughter had never been a fan of storms.

"Luka's in Croatia," Carter spoke again and Jocelyn glared up at him.

"Yeah, I got that part."

Carter jutted out his jaw and smiled apologetically at Jocelyn before moving towards Sam and laying his hand on her shoulder. Sam turned towards him and smiled, visibly relaxing under his touch.

"He didn't tell me he was leaving. Called me from London to tell me but he managed to tell Abby – in person! – before he left," Sam replied curtly and nodded her head in anger as tears jumped into her eyes. "I don't even know why I'm crying," she snuffled angrily, swiping at her nose with her sleeve. "I hate him; I hate the way he does this to me."

Jocelyn made an 'O' with her lips and glanced to Carter hoping that he would get the hint and make his way home.

"Well," Carter cleared his throat and moved towards the back of the sofa to retrieve his coat. "I better get going if I want to get to the hospital on time. You know what the roads are like in this weather."

Sam turned to him in confusion but stood up and smiled none the less.

"I'll see you in the morning?"

"Yep," he replied as he reached out to touch her elbow and kiss her cheek.

Jocelyn was not impressed.

"Bye," Sam called as he opened the door to her apartment and he turned to her and winked before waving to Jocelyn and leaving the apartment. When Sam turned back around, Jocelyn was looking at her with a raised eyebrow. "What?"

Across the street, Steve grinned. Now was his chance to scare her. Laying down the binoculars that he had... acquired, he pulled his bright yellow plastic coat on and ran downstairs just in time to see Carter walking hurriedly down the street towards the EL station.

He followed quickly behind him, knowing that the now pounding rain would shield him and he could walk as close as he wanted – smell the dick's aftershave if he wanted.

Tonight was the night.

**TBC **


	21. Part 19

Carter trudged up the steps of the El station. So, he had lied to Sam about the roads because he hadn't even brought his car but the looks that Jocelyn Taggart had been sending him when she thought he hadn't noticed was enough to get him scurrying out of the apartment in no time.

The station was dull, since it wasn't a well-used stop and he huddled further into his coat, trying vainly to ignore the water seeping through his clothes and moulding his shirt to his back. His feet were slopping about in his pooled shoes. He hated being wet. He had forgotten what it was to be wet with rain when he had been in Africa. The heat and humidity had taken a lot of getting used to and, just as he had, he had to return to Chicago in the middle of a biting winter. Shaking his head, he cleared his head of thought of Africa, as it only lead to thoughts of _her_. And he really, really didn't want to think about her right now.

He knew it was wrong that he was making moves on his best friends girl, considering that said best friend was out of the country because his mother was dying, or that said best friend and said girl were in the middle of… the closest thing to an argument that could be construed from Sam and Luka.

Shivering, he glanced behind him when he saw someone else ascend the stairs behind him, his bright yellow parka dripping with water. He caught the person's eyes before the man glanced away and Carter couldn't help but stare after him. He recognised those eyes, and it wasn't exactly a friendly recognition either. Shaking his head and glancing down towards where the train would be coming from, he dismissed the feeling.

He shuddered slightly as he felt eyes on him and knowing that it was only he and this yellow clad stranger, he shook it off again as he glanced back towards the familiar figure and saw that he was sitting down, huddled under a bar, immersed in a deep study of his shoes.

Dammit, but how did he recognise him? Someone he had treated at the hospital? But then, Carter didn't make a habit of remembering each patients face. He had, however, seen him around the hospital lately – he thought so, at least.

He felt uneasy around this guy and he hated that feeling. Where had he come from anyway? John hadn't seen him on the road to the station and Sam's apartment was only one corner away from the station. Had this guy followed him? Surely not. He would have done something to him already if he were going to attack him. Suddenly, Carter wished that the El would hurry the hell up.

Seconds turned to minutes and John tapped his foot restlessly on the concrete ground. He heard a rustling noise and instantly turned his head in that direction but his faceless foe was nowhere to be seen. His sigh of relief was short lived as he sensed someone walk up behind him and he whipped around so fast that he almost lost his feet footing. He came face to face with the most haunting image he had seen in his life.

This guy _was_ familiar. More familiar than he would like to believe but he still couldn't place his face.

Before he managed to get a word out, his world went black as he saw a metal glad fist thrust into his face and felt a blinding pain.

Then nothing.


End file.
